You can't pee until you go home.

I posted some months back about some of the strange things that can occur during a hospital stay. In this case,  my wife was the patient and I was just the observer. This time around, I was the victim patient, and it wasn't a hospital as such, but rather a "surgical center" - one of those places that provide only out-patient services. For the record, I had a bit of sinus work done; it was no big deal and I'm fine, thank you.

When my ENT doctor set up this procedure, he gave me a packet of information which included a brochure from the Grace L. Furguson Surgical Center and Storm Door Company, and I dutifully read through all the information. One of the first things to catch my eye was a prominent section about Advanced Directives - a fancy term for "do not resuscitate." Since I was to be the resusitee, in this case, I read the section closely. In brief, the surgical center insisted that you bring a copy of the DNR orders, but that you should be aware that they would ignore them and resuscitate you to the extent that they could push you across the street to the real hospital next door where you could happily pass on to your reward! Really?

Next in the brochure was the requirement that you spend the better part of an hour filling in the online patient history and medical information. It was, to say the least, extensive but doing that online is preferable to trying to juggle one of those little clip boards they give you when you get there. So guess what was the first thing that they had you do when you arrived for check in? "Just these few questions, and review this page....and this one... and..."

The brochure also proudly proclaimed that the surgical center was a WI-FI  hot spot, but signs everywhere said cell phones were verboten.

Hospital gowns have long been the butt (pun intended) of many a joke, so I was pleasantly surprised to see that they gave me some pants along with the gown - and this was no flimsy paper gown - it had an inner lining and a cardboard "portal" that allowed them to attach a flexible tube and blow warm air into the liner portion of the gown! How cool warm was that? I wonder what that cost me? Along with the disposable blood pressure cuff?

Okay, I'm prepped and ready, and off we go - down this corridor and that, turn this way, turn that way, back and cut to get around this corner and here we are at the operating room where the door is apparently too small for the bed I'm on! So I hop out of bed and walk into the OR! I wonder if they drug me out when they were done or had me walk out on my own?

And you know how when you are dismissed from a regular hospital there's all this waiting around for forms to sign and more waiting around for someone to come get you? Well, there's no waiting around at the Grace L. Furguson Surgical Center and Storm Door Company. I guess they needed the bed. "Sorry, you'll have to do that when you get home. Time to go. Bye."

That's okay. I was ready to come home anyway.