Panhandler Profiles - Revisited

You have them where you live, too; the ubiquitous street-corner panhandler, flying a cardboard flag and dealing for dollars. Seems like every corner has one, from early morning's light until late in the night. And after long and careful study I find most fit in some definite categories. Maybe you've noticed:

The happy guy -  He waves at everybody, change or no. Big smiles and eye contact, not a care in the world, he's just out there to make his little corner a better place. Very few women in this category (with a notable exception discussed later).

The mannequin - Not a twitch. This one stares off into space with no interaction at all; depends on peripheral vision to catch proffered change. A lot of women use this style. Not to be confused with the next type:

The zombie -  You are not sure this one ever moves. At all. I've seen one guy hunkered down in front of a guard rail for weeks on end. Sometimes you wonder about calling EMS...Wait! Was that a blink?

Crying girl - I thought this was unique to one person, but I have now seen others using the technique; tears run down her cheeks, face turned away, humiliation almost more than she can bear. Crying on demand is a very useful ability for a panhandler, but I wonder if she gets dehydrated in this heat?

Life history on the sign -  Vietnam Vet, ex-Marine, Paratrooper, Child of God, Peacenik. Needing a bus ticket/cheeseburger/tank of gas and 39 cents short. The sign is a work in process; every square inch covered with symbols, scriptures and pleas.

The real pros -  Usually a couple, they have worked a particular corner for years. They live in the minor-league motel down the street, and take vacations.

Hears the voices -  You are never quite sure about these these guys. It's not just a drummer; there's a whole band playing in there. Just for them.

Hears the voices and argues with them - I have been known to run red lights rather than have to stop next to one of these guys.

Bikini Babes - The before-mentioned female counterpart to the Happy Guy. They are smokin' hot, happy to see you and you can even get your picture taken with them for a donation toward their rent money. Sadly, I've encountered only one instance of this type (and they got arrested for creating a traffic hazard). Seems hardly fair. I didn't hit the guy stopped in front of me that hard!

Windshield washers - What can I say? They work for their money. I just wish it wasn't on the car in front of me when the light has long since turned green.

The band between gigs - There's 3 or 4 of them and twice that many guitars. Loser has to panhandle while the others get to practice their art. Walked by a group of these on the Santa Clara boardwalk and got a custom four-part harmonized appeal.

The gang -  Similar to the band, above, but with no discernible musical talent, these guys have staked out an intersection, or patch of concrete next to a panhandle stand and that becomes the boys club. Everybody congregates there, passing the paper bag, taking turns holding the cardboard.

The squatter -  A plastic crate to sit on - or even a lawn chair - appears first. Then there's a few plastic bags of assorted stuff, a backpack or two, assorted water bottles and oh yeah, don't forget the dog. And the dog dish, and...

The invalids - Pick your affliction. They look up new diseases on the Internet at the public library and have half-a-dozen signs to choose from. Some use props like crutches - until they have to run for their bus. Yes, I did see that. For some, they are not props. We regularly see a one-legged woman with a sign that reads "On my last leg."