The Adventures of Bob the Dog – the Meat Market Massacre

Time to take a breather, so I'm taking a blogger break for a while. I notice that other bloggers, columnists, and cartoonists pull up things from their archives, so that's what I'm going to do.

As soon as I saw the story on the ten o'clock news I knew Bob the Dog had struck again. The manager of the Monterrey Meat Market up on Braker was describing in vivid Spanish how a pack of “...wild dogs had burst through the automatic door and laid waste to several thousand dollars of the finest steaks, chops and ribs this side of the Rio Grande.”

At least I think that’s what he said. My Spanish is not too good, but I did recognize the word “perro” multiple times and the camera did show a trail of meat products leading out the door, where – the TV reporter informed us – witnesses said there had been a pickup waiting for the ill-gotten gain to be loaded and “swore that some kind of dog was driving.” The police naturally were skeptical and the news reporter even rolled her eyes a little, but the fact remained, a pick-up truck filled with the Market’s finest product sped away from the store.

The next morning, the newspaper picked up the story and added that the truck, reported stolen from the River City Bingo parking lot, had been found abandoned in a ditch off of Sprinkle Cut-Off Road. There were a few scraps of cellophane and some blood stains in the back, but the police were quick to point out that the blood was not human in origin and that it was most likely from a fresh Porterhouse, recently liberated from the Monterrey Meat Market, scene of yesterday’s crime. It also appeared that there had been quite a bit of canine activity in the area, based on paw prints found in the muddy ditch.

Naturally, when I checked on Bob the Dog next door, he was in his place, nice as you please, and had nothing to say about any recent felonious activity, but his eyes had a glassy protein-suffused stare and his belly was again bloated. We did talk hypothetically about how a life of crime would probably not end well for a dog, but I don’t think it made any kind of impression on Bob. The attraction of fresh, red meat is a mighty hard demon to quell. He did agree that his prospects were limited. I thought he was talking about how a life of crime would quickly turn bad for him. Turns out that he was only talking about what a paucity of meat sources he had to choose from.

Next - Impounded!