Monday Meanderings - 12.12.2011

I wore my Santa hat into the allergist's office the other day - none of the nurses wanted to give me my shot.  "Uh-uh! I'm not sticking Santa Claus. Not me. Go get Dr. Goldstein - it won't matter if he hurts Santa."

Well, I'm on another round of steroids, and as I mentioned, that's mostly all on the up-side for me. It must have a cumulative effect, or I'm just getting used to how good food tastes when you are on this stuff and the good smells just keep on coming. That, of course, tends to interfere with my new life-style, eating-wise, and I admit that there have been a few days of disappointments on the scales, but I am proud to say that I  reached a milestone this past week - down 20 pounds! Thank you.

Weight loss is not without its issues. For instance, my pants keep slipping down. I got some new jeans and I needed a new (shorter) belt, so we stopped by a men's store on Friday. I needed to try on a belt, but as soon as I removed the old one, my pants started toward the floor. I grabbed them just in time, thank goodness. It would have been awkward to explain to the clerk why my wife was collapsed on the floor in the middle of the store, laughing her **** off.

Speaking of tasting good, we were walking through an HEB the other evening and saw a gingerbread house kit. The gingerbread is already baked and cut in the needed shapes, and all the icing and other goodies are included. Barb said, "We could get one of those and put it together. And then we could eat it." I suggested that we might consider just eating it without going to all the trouble of putting it together.

The question is: was this fraud, practicing medicine without a license, or good customer service?  My doctor sent me for some blood work, but when I handed the lab technician the order, she took one look at the medical code and said, "What? There's no way they will pay for this under that code!" So she called the doctor's office and talked to several people in order to get the right number. But when she put the new number in the computer, it was came back invalid as well. "Okay, I know the number this should be...let's use this one. There you go!"

The power went off the other evening after some poor soul plowed through a major power line pole over on Cameron Road. We are properly prepared for contingencies like that, though; we got out the battery-powered lantern that gave us enough illumination to get around safely, and then we settled down foe a quiet evening at home. No TV, no stereo, no phone, no distractions. Just Barb and I in the quiet companionship of a time together with no interruptions- she with her Kindle, and me with my iPad. Nice.

And there is no truth to the rumor that we have not decorated the house for Christmas. See?

People are the strangest folks I know

Okay, here's a confession. It's after midnight and the Blog muse turned in hours ago, but I simply cannot disappoint my faithful readers (neither one of them) so I turn once again to News of the Weird. Somehow that fits the week I've had.

A New Hampshire woman who brought her mother's ashes to bingo games for good luck is hoping for their return after the urn containing them was stolen. Police say the urn was stolen from Diane Bozzi's van Tuesday morning in Rochester by someone targeting unlocked cars. Bozzi says the urn was in a bag that she was planning to take to her bingo game later in the day. She and her mother loved playing bingo together. Before her mother died in 2002, Bozzi promised her she would take some of her ashes with her to play. Her mother agreed, saying she would bring Bozzi luck. For everybody but Mom, I guess.

Rhode Island residents have complained for weeks about foul odors wafting from the state's main landfill, so state lawmakers are pledging to investigate and see where their noses lead them. The General Assembly announced Wednesday that a commission that will try to put an end to the rotten-egg smell at the Johnston landfill. The odor has prompted complaints from as far away as Attleboro, Mass., about 14 miles away. The agency that operates the landfill blames recent rains for the smell and has installed vents to trap gasses coming from it. Okay, let's see if I get this straight. The county dump smells bad. Really?

A Utah bird hunter was shot in the buttocks after his dog stepped on a shotgun laid across the bow of a boat. Box Elder County Sheriff's Deputy Kevin Potter says the 46-year-old Brigham City man was duck hunting with a friend when he climbed out of the boat to move decoys. Potter says the man left his 12-gauge shotgun in the boat and the dog stepped on it, causing it to fire. It wasn't clear whether the safety on the gun was on at the time. Can I take a guess? Potter says the man wasn't seriously injured, in part because he was wearing waders. Just be glad he wasn't out hunting with Vice President Dick Cheney.

A Georgia man preparing for the Christmas season spent a night in jail after he was arrested for shooting at mistletoe outside a Decatur shopping mall. William E. Robinson, 66, was charged with reckless conduct and discharging a firearm on someone else's property after he opened fire on a tree that held a sprig of the plant, which is commonly used as a Christmas decoration. Robinson said that he was merely following a holiday tradition when he used his double-barrel 12-gauge shotgun to knock the plant out of a tree outside the North DeKalb Mall. "Every year I go somewhere to get some mistletoe to decorate the house," Robinson told the station. "I get some for my friends that can't get mistletoe. The best way to get it is with a shotgun." And how glad we are that he was not in the Mall shopping for an X-Box?

A 31-year-old Florida man allegedly attempted to shoplift four steaks and a pair of candles by hiding the items in his trousers. Officials arrested Naples resident Dannial Ashley last week after grocery store employees spotted him stuffing the meat and candles -- unlit, of course -- into his pants. When one store worker confronted Ashley, the would-be thief ditched his stolen goods and attempted to escape on foot; an employee reportedly chased down Ashley and convinced him to walk back to the store. Is that a romantic dinner in your pants or are you just happy to see me?

But the story that wins this weeks Weirdness Award is:

Zany experiments testing scientific theories in real-world settings have earned the TV show "MythBusters" a devoted following, but a stunt gone awry met with an unhappy audience when an errant cannonball went shooting through a California family's bedroom. Sheriff's deputies are still measuring how, exactly, the cannonball flew from a bomb range in the rolling hills flanking a suburban San Francisco Bay area neighborhood and rocketed into the front door of a home and through its master bedroom before landing in a neighbor's parked minivan.

Hosts for the Discovery Channel show fired the cannonball Tuesday as they filmed an episode testing whether other types of projectiles shot from a cannon would pick up the same speed and have the same impact as the steel ball. Later, the production team plans to film flying stone cannonballs at a rock quarry in Northern California. Instead of hitting a string of water-filled garbage cans, however, the cannonball passed over the barrels, crashed straight through a protective cinderblock wall and careened off the hill behind it, said Alameda County Sheriff's Department spokesman J.D. Nelson. "It missed the target and took kind of an oddball bounce," Nelson said. "It was almost like skipping a rock on a lake. Instead of burying it into the hill it just went skyward."
 
So see? Your day is not going so bad after all. 

The 5 best toys of all time...

File this under the heading "Blog ideas that I wish I had thought of first." But I didn't, so I'll just do what I always do and blatantly steal  shamelessly borrow  graciously credit Wired Magazine's GeekDad blog and writer Jonathan Liu for condensing the all-time great toy list down to the essential 5. Mr, Liu's take -

"All five should fit easily within any budget, and are appropriate for a wide age range so you get the most play out of each one. These are time-tested and kid-approved! And as a bonus, these five can be combined for extra-super-happy-fun-time." 

1. Stick
Almost, almost, the universal toy, sticks come in all sizes, from slender twigs to oof! can't pick this sucker up! Easily available everywhere, it's almost as if they grow on trees. And with such a wide variety of shapes and sizes, the right stick can become almost anything - as long as it's a weapon. Traditionally, a stick's primary use is for hitting something. And that something is anything that's within reach, including one's sibling if he or she is not smart enough to stay out of range.

Once hitting grows old, or becomes forbidden in this household, almost any stick can quickly become a gun, or a spear! Or a knife! Or, or, SWORDS! The possibilities are limited only by the child's imagination and the parents absence. And while it is true that more boys play with sticks than girls, I still have a mark where, in the 3rd grade, Ida Jo Waller stabbed me with a pencil, which is a stick in church clothes. That, by the way, is not the only scar given me by Ida Jo, but rocks did not make the list.

2. Box
The bigger the better! Sometimes you get really lucky and find a box that is so big there's almost no way to get it home. Almost, but where there's a will there's a way. And once you possess the box - any box - it can become a rocket ship, or an automobile, or a club house, or a cave, or a ship, or a table, or (usually unsuccessfully) a chair, or a castle, or, or... What can't you do with the right box? And cardboard boxes also incorporate the thrill of sneaking one of your mother's sharp (until you get hold of it) knives, so that you can cut portholes or windows. And other things. See? Right here on my left index finger. A scar that Ida Jo was not responsible for.

3.String
Another toy that comes in all sizes and infinite lengths. It can be used to connect other toys and small furry animals, though that didn't work well in my case. Or it's great to string between two tin cans to make a telephone. It's almost always associated with other objects of play, such as tops, or big buttons (to make them spin) or if it is of sufficient girth, tied around other playmates hands and feet. As mentioned, cat's tails are not recommended. Nor is the neck.

4. Cardboard tube
Also known as a "doot de doot" in its smaller sizes for the noise they make when you hum or sing into them.  The smaller ones can also become wonderful drum-like instruments that make a really neat, annoying bonking noise when you hit them on other things, such as other cardboard tubes, or your sibling's head. See number one, above. Believe it or not, Chet Atkins released a rock and roll song in the '50s called the "Boo Boo Stick Beat" that featured - cardboard tubes being hit together. Hey! I was a disk jockey then. I actually played the song on the radio!

Cardboard tubes, if large enough, assume the properties of an artificial stick. Flimsy tubes, such as those found in Christmas wrap make wonderful swords, in that it's really hard to significantly hurt one another with these. The downside is that after a few whacks they tend to break apart and return to ordinary strips of cardboard and are quickly abandoned. Occasionally, you find an industrial strength tube, and then you become the baddest dude on the block.

5. Dirt
Now we are talking the quintessential toy! Available anywhere, in infinite quantity and multiple consistencies, dirt comes in a rainbow of earth-tones. You can work with dirt in its dry state, but to really appreciate the stuff, you also need water. Digging holes is a wonderful dirt pastime. Filling them with water is even better. Sitting in water-filled holes you have just dug tops it all. Girls appreciate a good mud pie now and then, but if you are patient and get the consistency just right, you can used dirt as - that's right, a weapon! Push it around, pack it into any container, throw it up in the air, track it in the house, even eat a little of it. There's just no end to what you can do with dirt.

So, as you brave the malls and prepare to pepper-spray your fellow shoppers so that you can grab that last X-Box, give some thought that maybe, just maybe, you can't top the top five.

Monday Meandering 12.05.11

Before the end of the year some visitor will log the 10,000th visit to my blog. Note that that's 10,000 visits, not unique visitors. But that's all the more amazing since there are only three regular readers out there - you guys are really doing a good  job! And I noticed that this is my 615th blog entry. I'm amazed that I've stuck with it to that long. So here's the deal: you keep visiting, and I'll keep writing. We deserve each other.

We've been watching with interest a construction project up the street. The house on the corner of January and Braker - the one that burned a while back - was on a double lot. Some previous owner put a swimming pool on the 2nd lot and for a time, an RV was parked there. But all the sudden a construction crew scraped the ground in front of the pool, poured a foundation on the tiny space left, and in a matter of a week framed a house on that lot. A big house. Almost a McMansion. Curious.

And further up the street the Valero station is messin' with my head. I'll drive by on the way to run an errand and the price for regular gas will be $3.06. When I come back a few minutes later it's $3.08. OK, gas is going up again. But a few hours later Barb and I will drive by and it's $3.06 again. What? Then that evening it's back to $3.08! Three times in one day? and this is one of the signs where someone has to come out and change the numbers manually. I got the last laugh, though. I bought gas at Costco for $2.90. Take that Valero!

My ENT doctor sent me to Austin Radiological for a scan. Walked in for the appointment and was met by a hostess! She took my name, directed me to a seat, asked if I wanted coffee, then went to get my paperwork. She brought that, took my insurance cards, traded them for my filled-out forms, asked if there was anything she could do, or if I had any questions. In a minute she came and got me and handed me off to the radiologist, who was equally solicitous of my well-being. Really not my usual doctor's office experience. Wonder what that cost me?

Had to eat a big helping of crow the other night. My spouse and I were in disagreement about whether the limbs of Christmas trees grow up or down. I was finally able to persuade her that I was right, with just the teeniest bit of gloating after she came around. Then later in the evening, I realized she was right. Hot sauce really helps make the dish edible.

And Barb was the one who pointed out that the cows in the Chik-Fil-A commercials are actually dairy cows, and as such are seldom eaten.

We picked up a couple of DVDs in the Wal Mart bargain bin, movies I thought suitable for watching-while-walking. Opened the first one and the disk was totally blank - no title, no verbiage of any kind. Put it in the drive and the first thing up was a little message about staying alert for pirated DVDs. Like those with no printing on them. Huh?

And here's a billboard between here and Waco:

Do you smell what I smell?

The sense of smell is an interesting phenomenon. If you have one. My sinus problems have diminished my ability to smell for many years. Most of the time, I wouldn't be able to smell gasoline if it were squirted up my nose. And then, after some medical intervention, I'm acutely aware of the odors around me, and for the most part it's sensory overload!

Most often, the difference-maker for me is steroids; a few days into a course of Prednisone and I can detect strong odors. A few days after that, the more subtle aromas become evident. Opening a container of coffee becomes a heavenly experience. Walking into Chuy's is almost more than I can abide. It's a whole new world.

Of course, there is a down side. Not all aromas are pleasant, but let's talk rather about the association between smell and taste. It is well established that smell is the larger part of the taste experience and significantly affects appetite. So I've always said, if I could smell, I would weigh 400 pounds. I wonder if that is why steroid users usually have significant weight gain. They can smell, or smell better than they could. What I find is that things taste differently to me when I'm able to "smell good." And interestingly, not all things taste better. It's what you are used to, I guess.

There's also the issue of lingering smells. Sometimes they linger because that's normal. I fried a slice of bacon the other morning (47 calories, okay?) to go with my scrambled eggs (120 calories). The house smelled of bacon the rest of the day! Good thing I wasn't trying to hide it. Jana commented the other day about the unmistakable aroma of an Allsups that clung so, she felt she would have to burn her jacket to get rid of it. And sometimes my "smeller" gets stuck on a particular odor. Just a short exposure can trigger a lingering smell that stays with me the rest of the day, no matter where I am after that.

I'm due for a second round of steroids soon, so I'm expecting my sense of smell to be elevated to a new level. Think I'll go to the Candle Factory. They may have to drag me out by my heels when I OD on aromas.