Monday Meanderings - 3.26.2012

Last week one of the books I was reading at the Learning Ally studio was on selling. One section I read covered the good impression you try to establish in those first few moments of greeting a new contact. It suggested that you take a quick look around the prospect's office and see if there is something that you might use to set a good tone, such as photos, or plaques of commendation etc. The book did caution that you wanted to do this carefully; it cited a real-life instance where the sales person said, "Wow. That's a great picture! How did you become friends with John Madden?" Whereupon the ex-prospect said, "Sir, that's my wife."

Well, the news from the NFL is that Sean Payton has been tossed out of the game, as it were. I wonder if he will - like the coach we saw tossed in youth league play in Morgantown - sit way, way, away from the field and call in instructions by phone to his assistants?

The carpet cleaning saga is almost - but not quite - in the books. The guy was to show up between one and three Thursday afternoon, and about noon the company called and said they were "running really, really late." "Uhhh, how late, because I'm not going to be happy about moving this furniture back and then out of the way again?" "Well, I really can't say but it will be after three." But he came not too terribly long after 3 and did a good job. However. The agreement was that during this process I was also to receive a cleaning kit, for dealing with those messy spills, etc. between cleanings. Home Depot said I would get a kit. The extended warranty go-between gave me a number that I would need for the kit. The Chem Dry people said "What kit?"

Of all the people I've dealt with in this snafu, Chem Dry is the only one that has made half an effort to work with me. The manager said he would drop off some stuff to use at no charge, and that it would be far better than what they have in Home Depot. I go on record as being a Chem Dry fan.

Big hackberry in the back yard did what they do best. Died. Only this one was leaning way over into the neighbor's yard. Going.

Going.

Gone.

 

And here's a picture I stole from John Acuff - a sign on a church van.

Dancing with the Devil

From the ACU Optimist, March 21, 2012...

First campus dance considered success

ACU’s first on-campus dance had students swaying to the music Tuesday night in the Bob and Shirley Hunter Welcome Center. “Dance in Disguise” was the first implementation of  recent changes in the university’s dance policy.

Tom Craig, director of student productions, was thrilled about the first official dance on campus. Craig said they hoped to create an atmosphere celebrating who we are as Christians through this event and new opportunity.

“It’s exciting because we’re kind of breaking new ground,” Craig said. “We’d never had this opportunity in a formal setting before.”

ACU’s Board of Trustees recently approved a new dance policy, allowing campus organizations to request that student’s be allowed to dance at social events.

Excuse me? Excuse me? You can dance at ACU now? Where was this liberal Board of Trustees when I was in school? Oh, yeah. They were in school with me. Or in school after me.

You have to have some kind of understanding just how conservative ACU, and the churches that supported the school, were in those days. Succinctly put, dancing was a sin. Based on what I see on television today, it still is. Back then, people spoke out in the strongest terms about dancing. Sermons were preached about dancing, speakers at youth programs assailed it as the Devil's highway, and it was even against the law in nearby Anson, Texas (the town that may have been the inspiration for the movie Footloose.) Why?

Dancing leads to sex.

Well, yeah. And so does parking out on on country roads, and if the Cialis commercials are to be believed, so do smiles and gentle touches, and sudden rainstorms and any number of other things. Plus, might I suggest that couples that skip the dance and head straight to the parking spots have significantly longer to get in trouble than those who come straggling in later, but that's another story.

We had dances in my hometown; official school-sponsored dances, and at teen canteen every Friday night (except during football season), and often at private parties. I want to go on record as saying I attended many of those activities, but I never danced. I guess that's the terpsichorean equivalent of not inhaling. Simply put, I could never master the process.  I didn’t have two left feet, I had no feet when it came to dancing. Dancing was the recipe for making me more awkward than I already was, not the recipe for … you know.

Since there were no school sponsored dances at ACU, and participating in a dance (or more accurately getting caught participating at a dance) was grounds for dismissal from school - even the boot-scootin' kind - that activity sort of disappeared from the radar, except for my disk-jockey days. I have previously mentioned the evening that I was broadcasting from a sock hop at the Dyess AFB Youth Center, and there was a live band there as well as the records I was playing. You may recall that at one point I thought it was a good idea to interview the members of the band and they all identified themselves as John Smith. Imagine the odds - five guys in a band all named John Smith! Of course, all of them were enrolled at ACU (one was an instructor) and certainly didn't want their participation in a dance made public. I on the other hand, was using my real name!

So, since I couldn't actually dance, what did I do at these activities? Like many of my classmates, I was one of the guys standing around the perimeter, trying to look like Joe Cool. And I submit to you that nothing has changed in 50 plus years. Take a look at this picture from the pages of the Optimist (yes, I see that it's a copyrighted picture. If they give me any grief I won't send my annual donation to the school).

See any guys? Me neither. Oh, if you blow it up real big, you can see a couple of guys standing around the periphery, trying to look like Joe Cool.

Monday Meanderings - 3.19.2012

Really enjoyed Spring Break last week - slept as late as I wanted, coffee on the patio most mornings, ate out with my wife at some of our favorite restaurants, watched some sports on TV of an evening...oh, wait. That's what I do every week!

Though my generation has no room to talk (Moby Grape, Iron Butterfly, Strawberry Alarm Clock), it is amusing to look over names of bands currently appearing at SXSW; animal-related names seem very popular this year:

• Bear in Heaven
• Prizehog
• Dinosaur Jr
• Takling to Turtles
• Duck Fight Goose
• The Iguanas
• Electrics Eel Shock

And my favorite, Two Cow Garage

At a friend's house the other evening it was obvious that they collect clocks that strike the Westminster chime on the hour (over about a 5 minute period; not too together). It reminded me of the clock in my parent's bedroom when I was growing up. It, too, struck the Westminster chime on the hour - and increasingly longer segments of the chime on the quarter-hour. Folks who spent the night at our house used to tell us how many times it chimed overnight. The interesting thing about that clock was that for years I could still hear the chimes - while living in Abilene. And usually, I heard them exactly on time.

And speaking of hearing things, don't you hate wandering around the house, stopping and listening to see if it is the nearest smoke detector making the low battery beep - only to hear the beep elsewhere? This happened for hours the other night; I finally figured out it was the phone in the kitchen. Wasn't set on the charging stand.

Saw, on one of those new LED signs, what was obviously the last part of  the message. It said colorfully, "Best Happy Hour in town." Then the next panel was "Mattress Store." Well, yes, I can understand how that would be a popular happy hour.

We've been saving up episodes of the Mentalist for quite some time. Probably had 10 unseen episodes - so many that sitting down to start watching them was becoming problematic. Time-Warner to the rescue - we had to swap out our cable box this week. We might miss them after basketball is over. Or not.

Busy week: in addition to the visit to Home Depot about carpet cleaning, there were three "Please Hold" conversations with the cable company tech support, one visit to the cable offices to swap the set-top box and one visit from a company technician (problem recurred 10 minutes after he walked out the door); a trip to the respiration therapy store to get Barb's "pressure" increased (I am so not going there); a guy came out to make some needed repairs to the sprinkler system; the exterminator made his quarterly visit; Home Depot called to tell me they found my records in the system, the cleaning company itself called and we are actually on the schedule; and the tree company came Friday morning and removed a very large hackberry tree that was leaning precipitously over the neighbor's yard. I'm going to take next week off.

Bumper sticker: "I am one bad relationship from owning thirty cats!"

And yes, that is a camel in downtown Austin. Why not?

Traveling in comfort - Stories for my grandchildren

The other evening I was sitting in one of those restaurants with all the old antiques and assorted junk up on the walls and hanging from the rafters. You know the kind of place. Across from our table was a canvas bag on display, and I realized that I knew what that bag was for, and in fact, growing up, my family utilized several such bags for their intended purpose. It was a canvas water bag (much older and more faded than these in this picture).

The bags are indeed made of a heavy canvas and they are intended to transport water. You fill them up. hang them on the car bumper (well, that may be a problem today) or from a tree at your campsite where it can catch the breeze; water wicks through the canvas and evaporates, cooling the bag and its contents. Simple and elegant, and judging from the photo I found, you can still purchase them!

My family made a trip to southern California in the early 1950's to meet my brother, who was returning to the States after a tour of duty in the Navy. We caravaned the family car and my brother's car, with my sister-in-law Jo, who was rejoining her husband in California after his overseas tour. We hung at least one - perhaps more - canvas water bags on the exterior of the car to help us journey across New Mexico, Arizona and the arid portions of southern California. But that was not our only creature comfort.

This is a picture of an evaporative air conditioner for an automobile. Right. A swamp cooler for a car. We had one of those devices (I can't remember which car) and it operated on a very simple principle. The forward motion of the car caused air to be scooped up by the front opening, passing over porous water-soaked pads, bringing about evaporation, which cooled air that was then directed into the interior of the car. Pretty neat.

But the best part was re-soaking the pads, which were arranged around a cylindrical cage, which rotated through a shallow tray of water in the bottom of the unit. You just reached up and pulled a cord which rotated the cage and reloaded the pads with water. The best part was that the excess water was blown off the pads and into the car, both refreshing the occupants with a spray of cool water, and eliminating the need for a shower when you stopped that evening! A wonderful device!

In the restaurant, I was excitedly reciting my recollections of these wonderful old inventions, when Barb gently reminded me that if I were not careful, they might want to hang another old antique on the wall.

On getting one's carpets cleaned...

A year and some months ago we replaced the living room and master bedroom carpet. As part of the negotiations, we signed up for "extended care" which means that once a year someone comes and cleans the carpet. "You don't have to do anything; in a year someone will call and set up the appointment."

A year and some months later, we still had not received the call, so I dropped by the Home Depot where all this took place and inquired as to the status of my carpet cleaning.

Young man at the desk: "Oh, you need to call and set this up."

Older man at the desk: "No, you need to make that call. Look 'em up. (To me) Here, have a doughnut."

Woman clerk who made the original sale: "Yes, you were supposed to call."

Me: "No, you told me they would call. I don't know who to call."

Woman: "Here, I've got the number. Call this number."

Older man: "You should make that call. Just pick up that phone and call them. Sure you won't have a doughnut?"

Woman: "Hello, Chem Clean? This is Home Depot, I have a customer with CCEP and we need to set up the 1st cleaning. I need to call who? Do you have that number? Okay, I'll look it up."

Older man: "Are you watching your weight? I've got the solution to that problem. Cinnamon Tablets!

Woman: "Hello, this is Home Depot. I need to set up a cleaning for a customer with CCEP. What registration number? I don't have a registration number - all I have is the order number. No, you didn't give me a registration number. You've never given me a registration number for any of these."

Older Man: "Two cinnamon tablets after every meal. It oxidizes the nutrients and fremulates the gastricity."

Woman: "Of course I'm sure. I've been doing this for years and I've never received a registration number. I know what the agreement says, I have to sell it, so I read it word for word!"

Young Man: "Ya'll don't need me do you?"

 Woman: "I can't  look that up! It's been more than a year and that file has been purged."

Older Man: "It is a crying shame that no one wants to do a good job any more! This country is going to the dogs!"

Woman: "Well, what do you want me to do? The customer purchased this service; he wants his carpets cleaned! Wait, the customer brought his copy of the order. I can fax it to you."

Older Man: "You know what it says on our money? It says 'In God we trust.' They just ought to wipe that right off!:

Woman: "After you receive the copy, are you going to call the customer? It's on the order I'm going to fax you! Okay, then call me!

Young Man: "Are you going to eat that doughnut?"

Woman: "It will be how long? Three days? Then what? You'll give me a registration number and then I call the cleaning crew?" Unintelligible muttering follows.

Older Man: "George, over in paint started taking cinnamon tablets and he lost 40 pounds in 40 days."

Woman (to me): "I'm going to take this up front to fax it and I'll be right back."

Older Man (leaving): "Good luck."

Young man (coming back after several minutes have passed): "Are there any doughnuts left?"

Me (much later): "Hello? Anyone? Anyone?"