Or, How I spent the worst night of my life and paid a bunch of money to do it!
I previously mentioned that Barb had a sleep study done and now has a CPAP (continuous positive airway pressure) machine to keep her company through the night. What I might not have mentioned was this was a twofer deal. I will if you will. So she did, and now it's my turn.
I have known for some time that I was a prime candidate for sleep apnea - the condition where you stop breathing for a short period of time until the brain says, "Hey, you! Take a deep breath!" Turns out that this is not good for you from a number of standpoints. And the snoring that usually accompanies this condition is not good for marital bliss and spousal accord. Though I deny that I snore. I've never heard myself snore, so I'm sure I don't. Nevertheless, a deal is a deal and last Thursday I had a sleep study done.
Why they call them sleep studies is beyond me. Nobody gets any sleep during this procedure; I sure didn't, and the little man that conducted the study didn't either. Can you imagine staying up all night just to watch someone try to sleep? And if they do sleep, you get to hear them snore! But I digress.
Getting ready for one of these studies is not a trivial process, and takes about an hour of preparation. The first order of business was to measure my head from a number of different perspectives and use the measurements to determine where to draw little guidelines with a red marker. It's sort of like the survey crew you see on the roadside, where the guy with the little can of red paint makes a bunch of strange-looking marks on the ground. This was all to determine where to place the electrodes to pick up my brain waves. Good luck with that.
Survey marks in place, the technician then began to place various other electrodes on different parts of my body. Two on each leg, four around the neck area, two more for each upper arm. But unlike what you may have experienced in electrode placement - say, for an EKG, where the nurse slaps a big sticky patch on you - these electrodes are placed only after careful cleansing and defoliation of the skin. This is done with industrial strength sandpaper, or perhaps it was a wire brush. I couldn't see what he was using, I only felt it.
Once abraded, a liberal dose of super glue was applied, and then the electrode, and then the whole thing was taped down! Evidently, the tossing and turning that is part of the actual sleepless study can displace poorly placed electrodes. My electrodes were not poorly placed. Next a velcro belt around the stomach with a few electronic sensors in place. Perhaps these were to listen to my stomach gurgle. Then another belt around the chest, with more sensors. No doubt these were to check the heart and determine the exact moment in time that I expire.
Back to the survey marks and more abrading, flensing and super gluing to attach a half-dozen sensors on my skull (including one in the middle of my forehead) ; two more on the sides of my head to detect eye movement, a couple on the jaw, one on each ear (!) a microphone taped securely on my larynx and a couple of tubes stuffed up my nostrils and taped in place. I am now ready for bed!
By my count, I now had more than twenty sensors permanently affixed to my body, gathered in an umbilical cord that plugged into a large "jack box" which in turn was cabled to the monitoring computer. "Uh, excuse me." "Couldn't you have thought of that before we started?"
Now it's lights out and I'm tucked in and I'm supposed to be able to sleep. Not. Going. To. Happen. I toss. I turn. I try this side, then the other side. Ouch! My middle-of-the-forehead cable is snagged around my pillow. What's that lump under my arm? I think that's the sensor that's supposed to be in the middle of my chest. My back hurts. My hips hurt. My legs are killing me. Oh, no. My leg is having spasms! I've got Restless Leg Syndrome, and I wrote down on the questionnaire that I don't. This bed is too hard; where's the sleep-number control? Oops. Now I'm lying on the box springs; how do I get it pumped back up? Dang, that's loud. I wonder if the technician is uploading this to YouTube? It's been two hours, and I haven't dozed off yet. How can we measure my sleep apnea if I never fall asleep? "ROBERT. I NEED YOU TO TRY SLEEPING ON YOUR BACK." Sweet Louise! Scare a guy to death! Okay, Okay, I'm on my back. I need a pillow under my legs. There's another pillow on the other side of the room, but I'm chained to this bed. "THANK YOU. YOU CAN SLEEP IN ANY POSITION NOW." Stop that! Just when I'm dropping off to sleep... Who am I trying to kid? It's too hot. Now I'm freezing. Is it morning yet? Please, oh please? It's only 11:45!! Just shoot me! Please. "ROBERT, IT'S 7:30. TIME TO GET UP."
You want to know the good news? This was part one of a two-part study. I get to do the second part once the electrode-placement areas have healed properly.
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Monday, April 16, 2012
Monday Meanderings - 4.16.2012
It has taken me a while, but I've just about figured out all the cryptic shorthand messages embedded in tweets and FaceBook. Things like LOL and FWIW. In fact, after some careful study I've discovered that Seniors have developed our own shorthand. Like:
Have you seen this yet? Nicely done, and worth 2 minutes of your time.
Yesterday in church there were two count-down clocks projected on the front walls of the auditorium. When we walked in, the displays read "20 Days, 23 hours, 50 minutes and 16 seconds till Floodgate." Floodgate is the Sunday that we make a large single contribution to cover many of the ministries that fall outside the budget (as well as some budgeted areas). The displays are counting down, of course, all the while. I was discussing this with a CPA friend between services, and he said, "Did Kevin preach a sermon this morning? If so, I missed it 'cause I was too busy watching the numbers change." Perhaps the staff needs to rethink this particular method of reminding us about Floodgate. Just Saying.
ATD - At The Doctors
BFF - Best Friend Fell
BTW - Bring The Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring Your Own Teeth
CBN - Covered By Medicare
CUATSC - See You At The Senior Center
DWI - Driving While Incontinent
FWBB - Friend With Beta Blockers
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
FYI - Found Your Insulin
GGPBL - Gotta Go; Pacemaker Battery Low
GGJIO - Gotta Go; Jeopardy is on
GGTLKI - Gotta Go; Laxative Kicking In
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
IMHO - Is My Hearing Aid On?
LOL - Living On Lipitor
LMDO - Laughed my Dentures Out
OMMR - On My Massage Recliner
OMSG - Oh My! Sorry, Gas
ROFLACGU - Rolling on Floor Laughing And Can't Get Up
TTYL - Talk To You Louder
WAITT - Who Am I Talking To?
WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
...and for my family...
HAGDT; HAGBM
Have you seen this yet? Nicely done, and worth 2 minutes of your time.
Friday, April 13, 2012
The Tribute
In the very early hours of Good Friday, Austin Police Senior Officer Jaime Padron was shot and killed when he responded to a call at the Wal-Mart a few miles from our house.
Everything that we read and hear about Officer Padron is that he was a good man; a decent man, an adoring father of two young girls, an ex-Marine who served his country and his city with valor and honor.
Services for Officer Padron were held Wednesday, and thousands of his fellow officers from around the state and nation came to honor him. Afterwards, Police and Emergency vehicles from almost every city and township in Texas, and some from neighboring states, took part in a procession that began in North Travis County and proceeded down IH-35, through downtown Austin, a procession of vehicles that stretched some 18 miles in length.
The service and procession times and route had been broadcast for several days, in that southbound IH-35 would be completely shut down for several hours, from Highway 45, in the northern part of the county, to Highway 71 at the southern edge. The procession was to have started at 1PM. Barb and I were in the area of the shopping center that borders IH-35 to our North a little after 1PM; cars and trucks and people were lining the roadsides. Some just stopped and parked on IH-35. A half-dozen truck tractors had lined up in a row, caution lights flashing.
Not surprisingly, the service ran long - way long. I was keeping current with a Twitter feed from the Statesman, and it was obvious that it was going to be quite a while before the procession, so we finished our business and returned home. A little later, I drove up to the Breaker overpass area, parked the car and walked out onto the overpass itself. There were several dozen people already there, as well as others parked along the access road, some sitting on their vehicles.
There were a couple of older gentlemen on the overpass, and I took up a position with them. I told Barb that at first I placed these gentlemen in my father's generation, then realized, no, they are in my generation. We talked quietly about law and order and the lack of respect and the general breakdown of society at large while we waited. Two fire department hook and ladder trucks pulled up on the overpass behind us and stopped, and their crews took up position with us. By this time people were two and three deep across the overpass; there were now 6 or 8 large American flags in display. I'm told that this scene was repeated on every overpass on the route.
It was obvious when the service itself was over - a number of police vehicles joined the southbound traffic, hurrying back to duty stations. As they neared the crowded overpass, many of them made a little blip with their sirens; some used their loudspeakers to say "Thank You."
At about 2:45PM, the southbound traffic dwindled to just a few cars, then no cars. It stayed that way for about 5 minutes, then a long line of Officers on motorcycles came down the Interstate. There was a pause, then the hearse, motorcycle patrolmen at each wheel, came into sight. Behind them, as far as you could see, police cars with emergency lights flashing.
The firemen had taken a position on one of the trucks; they were standing at attention, saluting. Looking South, there were people lined up on either side of the Interstate. Some had yellow balloons. Some had flags. Many had signs. And so it was, I'm told, all through town, along IH-35, and then along Highway 71. At that point, a smaller contingent continued through the Hill Country and people lined the highway, the streets of Llano and the streets of Brady. Police vehicles from San Angelo had joined the procession along the way, to escort Officer Padron to his hometown.
And on the common police band used for all the procession, came the radio call:
"Badge 6674 is now 10-42, End of Watch. Godspeed Jaime."
Everything that we read and hear about Officer Padron is that he was a good man; a decent man, an adoring father of two young girls, an ex-Marine who served his country and his city with valor and honor.
Services for Officer Padron were held Wednesday, and thousands of his fellow officers from around the state and nation came to honor him. Afterwards, Police and Emergency vehicles from almost every city and township in Texas, and some from neighboring states, took part in a procession that began in North Travis County and proceeded down IH-35, through downtown Austin, a procession of vehicles that stretched some 18 miles in length.
The service and procession times and route had been broadcast for several days, in that southbound IH-35 would be completely shut down for several hours, from Highway 45, in the northern part of the county, to Highway 71 at the southern edge. The procession was to have started at 1PM. Barb and I were in the area of the shopping center that borders IH-35 to our North a little after 1PM; cars and trucks and people were lining the roadsides. Some just stopped and parked on IH-35. A half-dozen truck tractors had lined up in a row, caution lights flashing.
Not surprisingly, the service ran long - way long. I was keeping current with a Twitter feed from the Statesman, and it was obvious that it was going to be quite a while before the procession, so we finished our business and returned home. A little later, I drove up to the Breaker overpass area, parked the car and walked out onto the overpass itself. There were several dozen people already there, as well as others parked along the access road, some sitting on their vehicles.
There were a couple of older gentlemen on the overpass, and I took up a position with them. I told Barb that at first I placed these gentlemen in my father's generation, then realized, no, they are in my generation. We talked quietly about law and order and the lack of respect and the general breakdown of society at large while we waited. Two fire department hook and ladder trucks pulled up on the overpass behind us and stopped, and their crews took up position with us. By this time people were two and three deep across the overpass; there were now 6 or 8 large American flags in display. I'm told that this scene was repeated on every overpass on the route.
It was obvious when the service itself was over - a number of police vehicles joined the southbound traffic, hurrying back to duty stations. As they neared the crowded overpass, many of them made a little blip with their sirens; some used their loudspeakers to say "Thank You."
At about 2:45PM, the southbound traffic dwindled to just a few cars, then no cars. It stayed that way for about 5 minutes, then a long line of Officers on motorcycles came down the Interstate. There was a pause, then the hearse, motorcycle patrolmen at each wheel, came into sight. Behind them, as far as you could see, police cars with emergency lights flashing.
The firemen had taken a position on one of the trucks; they were standing at attention, saluting. Looking South, there were people lined up on either side of the Interstate. Some had yellow balloons. Some had flags. Many had signs. And so it was, I'm told, all through town, along IH-35, and then along Highway 71. At that point, a smaller contingent continued through the Hill Country and people lined the highway, the streets of Llano and the streets of Brady. Police vehicles from San Angelo had joined the procession along the way, to escort Officer Padron to his hometown.
And on the common police band used for all the procession, came the radio call:
"Badge 6674 is now 10-42, End of Watch. Godspeed Jaime."
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Demerit Badges
My father and my brother were active in Scouting. I had a very short tenure in Cub Scouts. I don't think I was actually kicked out - that particular memory is sort of fuzzy - but I was not encouraged to join the local Boy Scout troop when I was older. Go figure. But the other day I came across something that really resonated with that era - Demerit Badges! Yes, Demeritwear.com offers a wide range of badges to mark dubious achievements. Among them, "I Burned My Marshmallow."
And its counterpart, "My Hotdog is on Fire."
Or how about other outdoor achievements, like "Chair Lift Issues."
Or "Sailing on Abilene Zoo Lake."
Or "No, we don't need gas."
And a couple I can certainly identify with - "Blisters" and "Deep-Sea Fishing."
And its counterpart, "My Hotdog is on Fire."
Or how about other outdoor achievements, like "Chair Lift Issues."
Or "Sailing on Abilene Zoo Lake."
Or "No, we don't need gas."
And a couple I can certainly identify with - "Blisters" and "Deep-Sea Fishing."
There's a series on Mountain-top experiences familiar to our family:
Peaks obtainable by auto, I might add. And then there's the food achievements:
But my favorite is the "Old Geezer" badge.
There are many more badges of dubious merit. I'm sure you'll find something that's just right for you.
Monday, April 9, 2012
Monday Meanderings - 4.09.2012
Spring in Austin continues to be delightful; the weather has provided some primo patio sitting this past week. It's been gorgeous, but I still want one of those carpets like I'm seeing in the Lowes TV commercial. You know, the one where the woman takes the carpet out of storage and unrolls it outside to become a beautiful flower-filled green lawn, complete with fountains, paths and stepping stones.
Speaking of patio, I came out the other morning and found a little fungus forest, growing out of the door mat.
They were short-lived little organisms - less than two hours later they were flat and shriveled up. And the same morning I found this guy wandering among the pots.
So now when I'm out on the patio I have birds and snails to keep me company and 'shrooms to keep me happy.
The Time-Warner cable saga continues. Once again, I had to call customer support about our misbehaving cable box. I've called so often that I have been assigned a special number to cut through all the uh... red tape. For a while there, TW would insist on going through an elaborate process to prove that I was who I really claimed to be. The usual name address, phone number, then - and I kid you not - SSN, 18-digit account number, the services I was paying for, and the exact date and amount of my last bill! I was livid at this point, unable to convince the tech of the absurdity that I might be calling about problems with some service other than my own! That's when the supervisor I demanded to speak to assigned me my own account code. "Just give the representative this number and there would be no hassle."
Well, I don't know if it would have helped or not. This last call, the technician started right in on my problem with no questions asked. I thanked him for that, and he said, "Yeah, like you are going to call with somebody else's problem." Now we have another new cable box. This time a technician came to the house and replaced it with a brand new model that TW has started using and checked it all out. Knock. knock.
Service trucks were lined up around the block that morning; TW and the air conditioning people as well, since they found a leak in the coils in the inside unit and came to replace it. I love warranty work.
I'm becoming very fond of reading e-books, either on the Kindle itself, or the Kindle app on the iPad. I've discovered that I can prop the iPad up on the treadmill, enlarge the type just a bit and walk and read at the same time. Like movies, the page-turners tend to have you walking for long distances. One of my favoritest things is that I can tap on an obscure word and get an instant definition and pronunciation (sure wish I could do that at the Learning Ally studios). And the Kindle device has an "X-Ray" feature that gives you a synopsis of every character in the book. Confused about who John Smith is? X-Ray to find all of the places he's mentioned previously. How cool is that?
Speaking of patio, I came out the other morning and found a little fungus forest, growing out of the door mat.
They were short-lived little organisms - less than two hours later they were flat and shriveled up. And the same morning I found this guy wandering among the pots.
So now when I'm out on the patio I have birds and snails to keep me company and 'shrooms to keep me happy.
The Time-Warner cable saga continues. Once again, I had to call customer support about our misbehaving cable box. I've called so often that I have been assigned a special number to cut through all the uh... red tape. For a while there, TW would insist on going through an elaborate process to prove that I was who I really claimed to be. The usual name address, phone number, then - and I kid you not - SSN, 18-digit account number, the services I was paying for, and the exact date and amount of my last bill! I was livid at this point, unable to convince the tech of the absurdity that I might be calling about problems with some service other than my own! That's when the supervisor I demanded to speak to assigned me my own account code. "Just give the representative this number and there would be no hassle."
Well, I don't know if it would have helped or not. This last call, the technician started right in on my problem with no questions asked. I thanked him for that, and he said, "Yeah, like you are going to call with somebody else's problem." Now we have another new cable box. This time a technician came to the house and replaced it with a brand new model that TW has started using and checked it all out. Knock. knock.
Service trucks were lined up around the block that morning; TW and the air conditioning people as well, since they found a leak in the coils in the inside unit and came to replace it. I love warranty work.
I'm becoming very fond of reading e-books, either on the Kindle itself, or the Kindle app on the iPad. I've discovered that I can prop the iPad up on the treadmill, enlarge the type just a bit and walk and read at the same time. Like movies, the page-turners tend to have you walking for long distances. One of my favoritest things is that I can tap on an obscure word and get an instant definition and pronunciation (sure wish I could do that at the Learning Ally studios). And the Kindle device has an "X-Ray" feature that gives you a synopsis of every character in the book. Confused about who John Smith is? X-Ray to find all of the places he's mentioned previously. How cool is that?
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