I broke one of those high-dollar treadmills at Silver's Gym. I was minding my own business, cruising along about 15 mph... okay, maybe at a somewhat slower pace... and maybe I was pressing a few buttons... when the thing gave up the ghost. No turning belt, no flashing lights, no TV on top. That sucker went dark and stopped dead in the water. Casters up, so to speak. Evidently the problem is more serious than a circuit breaker, it has been out of service for the better part of a week now. Meanwhile I am using the machines on the other side of the room. Far, far away.
Barb and I got an email invite from Pepperdine University to attend a "Marriage Enrichment Retreat
for Ministry Couples." The invite says "Couples stay in a safe and secure environment, enjoying the surrounding
beaches and mountains of Malibu, California. The experience includes two
nights of lodging, and breakfast and lunch daily at the Villa Graziadio on the Pepperdine University campus in Malibu - $200 per couple." Are you kidding? Malibu and meals for only $200 a couple? If we can figure out a way to skip the Retreat Sessions, we are so in!
When one gets an allergy shot there is a required 30 minute wait to see if you have a reaction and fall on the floor, frothing and twitching. On these waits, I open the Kindle app on my iPad to whatever book I happen to be reading at the time. Last week, I opened the app and my book was not listed. I synced and re-synced, searched the device and the cloud, but to no avail. I was pretty miffed that the app had failed me - until I realized that my current book at home was a real book; genuine paper and stuff, straight from the library.
On that note, I recently read about a toddler, having some acquaintance with an iPad, who was observed patiently swiping the pictures in a print magazine with her finger, trying to get the pictures to change. I thought that amusing until I realized that I have, on occasion, touched a word in a print book, expecting to see the dictionary definition pop up.
Advice for the coming week: If you are going to have a senior moment - make it memorable!
Monday, January 20, 2014
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
The British are coming!
Generally regarded as strait-laced and without humor, there is a side to the British you might not have expected - revealed in this collection of news items from the UK.
=================================================
A rolling cheese race, part of an ancient custom, was halted near Cheltenham after 18 people were injured by a runaway cheese.
- Western Morning News
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mrs Susan Day has named her new son Henry George Zippedy Doo Dah Day. She said, "I was going to call him Sonny, but Sonny Day just sounded silly.!
- BBC Radio
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A Yorkshire man, whose wife had recently died, commissioned a headstone with the biblical text "She Was Thine" to grace the grave. On returning a couple of weeks later the man was somewhat dismayed to see that the mason had got the inscription wrong, and it read "She Was Thin".
"You've forgotten the E.", he informed the mason, who was horrified and apologized profusely and promised that it would be rectified immediately and would be ready in two days.
When the man returned to review the correction the inscription now read, "Ee, She Was Thin."
- Radio 4
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Having miraculously escaped a six-story fall in the Belgian town of Namur with only a broken nose, labourer Gerd Berghman got himself to his feet and instantly fainted at the sight of his own blood. In falling to the ground once again, M Berghman broke his ankle.
- The Guardian
------------------------------------------------------------------------
William Howarth (82) was banned from driving for a year after traveling north for 20 miles on the southbound carriageway of the A34. Police succeeded in stopping him once, but after apologising, he drove off again, still heading the wrong way.
He was finally halted by a roadblock. After the hearing at Abingdon Magistrates Court he thanked the police for their courteous treatment and vowed to take the train in future.
- The Guardian
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two members of the Lothian and Borders traffic police were out on the Berwickshire moors with a radar gun recently, happily engaged in apprehending speeding motorists, when their equipment suddenly locked up
completely with an unexpected reading of over 300mph. The mystery was explained seconds later as a low-flying RAF Harrier hurtled over their heads.
The boys in blue, upset over the damage to their radar gun, put in a complaint to the RAF, but were somewhat chastened by the reply which pointed out that damage to police resources could have been considerably greater. The Harrier's target-seeker had locked onto the 'enemy' radar and triggered
an automatic retaliatory air-to-surface attack, but luckily for the two guys on the ground, the weapons systems were not armed.
- Pilot Magazine
------------------------------------------------------------------------
A flasher limped off in agony after dropping his track suit pants in front of a woman in Kew. Her dog jumped up and bit him in the privates.
- Independant
------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Norman castle in Cornwall is being treated with cow dung and yoghurt to restore it's original colouring.
- Western Morning News
------------------------------------------------------------------------
A method for treating donkeys for alcoholism, based on Guinness and crisps has been devised by a Devon donkey sanctuary.
- Oldham Chronicle
------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Buckinghamshire bank manager and his young female assistant got accidentally locked inside the bank's cash machine while 'loading it with notes. They were freed when a customer heard their cries of
distress while trying to extract cash from the machine. The luckless pair were finally released when the key was pushed through the slot which accepts the plastic card, but only after the woman customer
renegotiated the charges on her overdraft.
- Yorkshire Evening Post.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
According to police in Odell, Ill., in August, William Wykes burst into the home of his bedridden father, Otis Wykes, 85, and pointed a handgun at him, but before he could get off a shot, the father pulled his own
gun and fired four times, wounding his son. Said the prosecutor, "It appears there was a history between the two."
- Oxford Mail
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Failing standards in science education appear to be the possible cause of a fairly fundamental error made by burglars in Sittingbourne, Kent last night, who attempted to gain entry to a store-room in a fireworks
factory - using oxyacetylene cutting equipment.
The blast at Skyhigh Pyrotechnics was heard five miles away as the former WWII ammunition dump made of foot-thick concrete was reduced to rubble.
Police, who were checking for bodies believe the raiders first set fire to their getaway van, which probably in turn set fire to the fireworks, although they probably had time to get away.
Rod McGregor, one of the firm's owners, estimated the blast cost them 150,000 pounds. He added:
"You can plan for every eventuality but the last thing you expect is anyone to attack an explosives factory with an oxyacetylene torch."
- The Guardian
------------------------------------------------------------------------
I was listening to the BBC news at 1:00pm today and heard of the first death by mobile phone. Apparently the unfortunate man was walking along the street, concentrating on his telephone conversation, when he walked into a lamppost, fractured his skull and subsequently died.
We have the technology ... it's the common sense that's seems to be the problem!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Coventry City Council has had to rebuild its brand new 5 Million Pound bus station after it was found to contravene local regulations banning the use of buses...
- Coventry Telegraph
------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Herefordshire woman has been given 27 Pounds in compensation after her bank found it had inadvertently debited her account with the account number, taking her a cool 40 million Pounds overdrawn.
- Hereford Times
------------------------------------------------------------------------..
Sun Alliance Insurance has offered a Gwent householder free insurance after he received 447 identical circulars from them in the space of two days.
- Daily Telegraph
------------------------------------------------------------------------
London-bound travelers at Oxford missed their train the other day because staff mislaid the key to the station's main entrance.
- Oxford Mail
------------------------------------------------------------------------
A firm making treatments for athlete's foot is offering a L500 prize to the owner of the smelliest socks in Britain.
- Coventry Telegraph
------------------------------------------------------------------------
From the classified ads in the Wolverhampton Express and Star ...
"A1 Strippergrams. All areas covered."
------------------------------------------------------------------------
A burglar in Burnley, Lancashire, who robbed his next door neighbour's house was caught when he hung the curtains he had stolen in his own windows.
- Burnley Express
------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Will the person who took a slice of cake from the commissioner’s office return it immediately," reads a sign seen this week in a police canteen in Christchurch, New Zealand. "It is needed as evidence in a
poisoning case."
- Guardian
------------------------------------------------------------------------
A 19 year old man who lay on the tracks in front of a train at Nuneaton station attacked the driver when he refused to run him over.
- Coventry Telegraph
------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Sutton Coalfield car thief failed to spot the owner's mother in law on the back seat. He dropped her at traffic lights after she screamed at him.
- Yorkshire Evening Press
------------------------------------------------------------------------
A 62 year old Gloucestershire grandmother has been warned by doctors not to skateboard again after her first attempt landed her in hospital with a dislocated shoulder.
- Yorkshire Evening Press
.
=================================================
A rolling cheese race, part of an ancient custom, was halted near Cheltenham after 18 people were injured by a runaway cheese.
- Western Morning News
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mrs Susan Day has named her new son Henry George Zippedy Doo Dah Day. She said, "I was going to call him Sonny, but Sonny Day just sounded silly.!
- BBC Radio
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A Yorkshire man, whose wife had recently died, commissioned a headstone with the biblical text "She Was Thine" to grace the grave. On returning a couple of weeks later the man was somewhat dismayed to see that the mason had got the inscription wrong, and it read "She Was Thin".
"You've forgotten the E.", he informed the mason, who was horrified and apologized profusely and promised that it would be rectified immediately and would be ready in two days.
When the man returned to review the correction the inscription now read, "Ee, She Was Thin."
- Radio 4
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Having miraculously escaped a six-story fall in the Belgian town of Namur with only a broken nose, labourer Gerd Berghman got himself to his feet and instantly fainted at the sight of his own blood. In falling to the ground once again, M Berghman broke his ankle.
- The Guardian
------------------------------------------------------------------------
William Howarth (82) was banned from driving for a year after traveling north for 20 miles on the southbound carriageway of the A34. Police succeeded in stopping him once, but after apologising, he drove off again, still heading the wrong way.
He was finally halted by a roadblock. After the hearing at Abingdon Magistrates Court he thanked the police for their courteous treatment and vowed to take the train in future.
- The Guardian
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two members of the Lothian and Borders traffic police were out on the Berwickshire moors with a radar gun recently, happily engaged in apprehending speeding motorists, when their equipment suddenly locked up
completely with an unexpected reading of over 300mph. The mystery was explained seconds later as a low-flying RAF Harrier hurtled over their heads.
The boys in blue, upset over the damage to their radar gun, put in a complaint to the RAF, but were somewhat chastened by the reply which pointed out that damage to police resources could have been considerably greater. The Harrier's target-seeker had locked onto the 'enemy' radar and triggered
an automatic retaliatory air-to-surface attack, but luckily for the two guys on the ground, the weapons systems were not armed.
- Pilot Magazine
------------------------------------------------------------------------
A flasher limped off in agony after dropping his track suit pants in front of a woman in Kew. Her dog jumped up and bit him in the privates.
- Independant
------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Norman castle in Cornwall is being treated with cow dung and yoghurt to restore it's original colouring.
- Western Morning News
------------------------------------------------------------------------
A method for treating donkeys for alcoholism, based on Guinness and crisps has been devised by a Devon donkey sanctuary.
- Oldham Chronicle
------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Buckinghamshire bank manager and his young female assistant got accidentally locked inside the bank's cash machine while 'loading it with notes. They were freed when a customer heard their cries of
distress while trying to extract cash from the machine. The luckless pair were finally released when the key was pushed through the slot which accepts the plastic card, but only after the woman customer
renegotiated the charges on her overdraft.
- Yorkshire Evening Post.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
According to police in Odell, Ill., in August, William Wykes burst into the home of his bedridden father, Otis Wykes, 85, and pointed a handgun at him, but before he could get off a shot, the father pulled his own
gun and fired four times, wounding his son. Said the prosecutor, "It appears there was a history between the two."
- Oxford Mail
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Failing standards in science education appear to be the possible cause of a fairly fundamental error made by burglars in Sittingbourne, Kent last night, who attempted to gain entry to a store-room in a fireworks
factory - using oxyacetylene cutting equipment.
The blast at Skyhigh Pyrotechnics was heard five miles away as the former WWII ammunition dump made of foot-thick concrete was reduced to rubble.
Police, who were checking for bodies believe the raiders first set fire to their getaway van, which probably in turn set fire to the fireworks, although they probably had time to get away.
Rod McGregor, one of the firm's owners, estimated the blast cost them 150,000 pounds. He added:
"You can plan for every eventuality but the last thing you expect is anyone to attack an explosives factory with an oxyacetylene torch."
- The Guardian
------------------------------------------------------------------------
I was listening to the BBC news at 1:00pm today and heard of the first death by mobile phone. Apparently the unfortunate man was walking along the street, concentrating on his telephone conversation, when he walked into a lamppost, fractured his skull and subsequently died.
We have the technology ... it's the common sense that's seems to be the problem!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Coventry City Council has had to rebuild its brand new 5 Million Pound bus station after it was found to contravene local regulations banning the use of buses...
- Coventry Telegraph
------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Herefordshire woman has been given 27 Pounds in compensation after her bank found it had inadvertently debited her account with the account number, taking her a cool 40 million Pounds overdrawn.
- Hereford Times
------------------------------------------------------------------------..
Sun Alliance Insurance has offered a Gwent householder free insurance after he received 447 identical circulars from them in the space of two days.
- Daily Telegraph
------------------------------------------------------------------------
London-bound travelers at Oxford missed their train the other day because staff mislaid the key to the station's main entrance.
- Oxford Mail
------------------------------------------------------------------------
A firm making treatments for athlete's foot is offering a L500 prize to the owner of the smelliest socks in Britain.
- Coventry Telegraph
------------------------------------------------------------------------
From the classified ads in the Wolverhampton Express and Star ...
"A1 Strippergrams. All areas covered."
------------------------------------------------------------------------
A burglar in Burnley, Lancashire, who robbed his next door neighbour's house was caught when he hung the curtains he had stolen in his own windows.
- Burnley Express
------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Will the person who took a slice of cake from the commissioner’s office return it immediately," reads a sign seen this week in a police canteen in Christchurch, New Zealand. "It is needed as evidence in a
poisoning case."
- Guardian
------------------------------------------------------------------------
A 19 year old man who lay on the tracks in front of a train at Nuneaton station attacked the driver when he refused to run him over.
- Coventry Telegraph
------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Sutton Coalfield car thief failed to spot the owner's mother in law on the back seat. He dropped her at traffic lights after she screamed at him.
- Yorkshire Evening Press
------------------------------------------------------------------------
A 62 year old Gloucestershire grandmother has been warned by doctors not to skateboard again after her first attempt landed her in hospital with a dislocated shoulder.
- Yorkshire Evening Press
.
Monday, January 13, 2014
Monday Meanderings - 1.13.2014
Wow. Had to dig deep in the dresser drawers to find my old long johns this past week. In one week the temps went from the 70's to 12 degrees and then back into the 70's. There is a reason that I live in the South and I guess periodically I need to be reminded of that reason.
Now the pollen is blowing off the cedar trees in yellow billows. Pollen count yesterday was in the 16,000 grains range - a record. On the news last night they showed the view from Loop 360 and the pollen looked like smoke from wildfires! I think I will just not breath in for the next few days. Only out.
Striving to eke out every tax deduction available, I itemize the things that we donate to Goodwill throughout the year. Some years are easy. This year is not. Between the stuff that we got out of the attic, the stuff Barb cleared out of the kitchen, the stuff we gathered when we were going through the boxes of Christmas decorations, and a few other cleaning frenzies, we ended up with pages and pages of items to identify, price and record for the taxman.
I use ItsDeductible.com to help me estimate the value of these items. It is a free program that has hundreds of common household items listed and for those, it is right on the money (heh, heh). But some things we passed on to Goodwill are somewhat esoteric. See if you can figure out which items I could find in the list and which I could not:
You may remember that I was among the first to warn you that our devices are spying on us. First CPAP machines, then hearing aids. Now I see in the news that a French company has introduced what they're calling the world's first connected electric toothbrush, which syncs wirelessly with a smartphone to track brushing habits, announce whether you, or your kids, have brushed thoroughly enough and reward you for good oral hygiene. Oh, and did I mention the new wrist bands that keep up with your steps and sleep and perhaps how much coffee you drink. Pretty sure the NSA has already hacked into these devices. Just saying.
Now the pollen is blowing off the cedar trees in yellow billows. Pollen count yesterday was in the 16,000 grains range - a record. On the news last night they showed the view from Loop 360 and the pollen looked like smoke from wildfires! I think I will just not breath in for the next few days. Only out.
Striving to eke out every tax deduction available, I itemize the things that we donate to Goodwill throughout the year. Some years are easy. This year is not. Between the stuff that we got out of the attic, the stuff Barb cleared out of the kitchen, the stuff we gathered when we were going through the boxes of Christmas decorations, and a few other cleaning frenzies, we ended up with pages and pages of items to identify, price and record for the taxman.
I use ItsDeductible.com to help me estimate the value of these items. It is a free program that has hundreds of common household items listed and for those, it is right on the money (heh, heh). But some things we passed on to Goodwill are somewhat esoteric. See if you can figure out which items I could find in the list and which I could not:
- Hand towels
- Wastebasket
- Mary and Joseph nutcracker set
- Plastic dinosaur figurines
You may remember that I was among the first to warn you that our devices are spying on us. First CPAP machines, then hearing aids. Now I see in the news that a French company has introduced what they're calling the world's first connected electric toothbrush, which syncs wirelessly with a smartphone to track brushing habits, announce whether you, or your kids, have brushed thoroughly enough and reward you for good oral hygiene. Oh, and did I mention the new wrist bands that keep up with your steps and sleep and perhaps how much coffee you drink. Pretty sure the NSA has already hacked into these devices. Just saying.
Monday, January 6, 2014
Monday Meanderings - 1.6.2014
Welcome to the New Year.
History will mark this year for a number of reasons - not the least of which will be that in 2014 it will be legal to sell pot and illegal to sell light bulbs. Go figure.
I, like so many others, made a number of New Year's resolutions. I was doing fine until someone explained that they were not just for New Year's Day; you were expected to keep those resolutions for the entire year. That's just crazy talk.
So the revised list includes taking more naps and watching more bowl games. And stepping on the scale less. After all, resolutions are intended for self improvement, and ahem, if I do say so myself...
Speaking of bowl games, one of the nice benefits they provide is that for the most part one could care less who wins. You simply root for the offense. Or the defense. Or maybe the mascot. Your choice.
This is an interesting time of year for shoppers. The Valentine candy is already on the shelves - right beside all the self-help books and products to help you lose those pounds you added over Christmas and New Year!
This may be the penultimate in dashboard dining. We parked next to a vehicle with lunch all prepared; it doesn't stand out clearly, but there is what appears to be some kind of cheese spread on that king-sized slice of bread. It was a sunny day - maybe they were counting on the sunshine to warm the interior and melt the cheese and toast the bread.
History will mark this year for a number of reasons - not the least of which will be that in 2014 it will be legal to sell pot and illegal to sell light bulbs. Go figure.
I, like so many others, made a number of New Year's resolutions. I was doing fine until someone explained that they were not just for New Year's Day; you were expected to keep those resolutions for the entire year. That's just crazy talk.
So the revised list includes taking more naps and watching more bowl games. And stepping on the scale less. After all, resolutions are intended for self improvement, and ahem, if I do say so myself...
Speaking of bowl games, one of the nice benefits they provide is that for the most part one could care less who wins. You simply root for the offense. Or the defense. Or maybe the mascot. Your choice.
This is an interesting time of year for shoppers. The Valentine candy is already on the shelves - right beside all the self-help books and products to help you lose those pounds you added over Christmas and New Year!
This may be the penultimate in dashboard dining. We parked next to a vehicle with lunch all prepared; it doesn't stand out clearly, but there is what appears to be some kind of cheese spread on that king-sized slice of bread. It was a sunny day - maybe they were counting on the sunshine to warm the interior and melt the cheese and toast the bread.
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
Gathering the chicks
The entire family gathered here for Christmas this year.
It was good.
From the time that our two went off to school, I have marked those occasions of return; each Thanksgiving, each Christmas break, each homecoming trip, waiting in anticipation for the car to pull up in the driveway. Waiting for the chicks to return and be gathered safely in the nest. So thankful when they are.
Over the years, the pattern has often been repeated, but as time passed there were instances when a holiday return was skipped; perhaps a ski trip with college friends, or a visit to the home of someone special. It became more complicated as the time came for new traditions and new nests in which to gather. The daughter and her new husband moved to Prague for several years; the son and his new wife moved to East Texas. Time passed and then West Virginia, California and West Texas became important destinatuions to us. You worked out your visits as best you could.
And each one was good.
Grandchildren have added new dynamics to the get-togethers. When do you start traditions of your own? How do you manage when the family is scattered widely? Careers and obligations and school activities and joyless air travel complicate the gatherings.
It gets harder.
This year, all the chicks returned safely to a house that almost could not hold them all. There were long-legged teenagers stretched across every square foot of floor space. Adults played musical chairs to find a place to sit. With 2 1/2 electronic devices for every person in attendance, recharging stations were almost as important as beds. Almost. Endless ball games on TV. Movies late into the night. And the food, oh, my.
It was good.
The oldest grandson will leave for college this coming year. Can it be? He's excited about the possibilities and we're excited with him. The next grandson, already taller than the rest of us, is the athlete in the family. The third grandson, a walking sports encyclopedia, is just steps behind the other two (though walking was a bit difficult in his orthopedic boot, needed as he heals from a basketball injury). The sole granddaughter is queen of the universe. Ours, at least. When Barb lined the kids up against the growth chart, the past year was measured in growth spurts.
That is all good.
Then they were gone again, and Barb and I waited for that text or call that said that all was well; they were back safely. Our house is overly quiet, but we take pleasure in knowing that their lives, and ours, will return to normal for a short time. A very short time, because there are more changes ahead. In days that will pass like minutes, my children will be the ones waiting for the car to pull into the driveway, or for the flight to arrive. Or for the text. New traditions will be formed, new family constraints will reshape their holidays. They too, will soon wait for the chicks to return safely and be gathered in the nest.
And it will be good.
It was good.
From the time that our two went off to school, I have marked those occasions of return; each Thanksgiving, each Christmas break, each homecoming trip, waiting in anticipation for the car to pull up in the driveway. Waiting for the chicks to return and be gathered safely in the nest. So thankful when they are.
Over the years, the pattern has often been repeated, but as time passed there were instances when a holiday return was skipped; perhaps a ski trip with college friends, or a visit to the home of someone special. It became more complicated as the time came for new traditions and new nests in which to gather. The daughter and her new husband moved to Prague for several years; the son and his new wife moved to East Texas. Time passed and then West Virginia, California and West Texas became important destinatuions to us. You worked out your visits as best you could.
And each one was good.
Grandchildren have added new dynamics to the get-togethers. When do you start traditions of your own? How do you manage when the family is scattered widely? Careers and obligations and school activities and joyless air travel complicate the gatherings.
It gets harder.
This year, all the chicks returned safely to a house that almost could not hold them all. There were long-legged teenagers stretched across every square foot of floor space. Adults played musical chairs to find a place to sit. With 2 1/2 electronic devices for every person in attendance, recharging stations were almost as important as beds. Almost. Endless ball games on TV. Movies late into the night. And the food, oh, my.
It was good.
The oldest grandson will leave for college this coming year. Can it be? He's excited about the possibilities and we're excited with him. The next grandson, already taller than the rest of us, is the athlete in the family. The third grandson, a walking sports encyclopedia, is just steps behind the other two (though walking was a bit difficult in his orthopedic boot, needed as he heals from a basketball injury). The sole granddaughter is queen of the universe. Ours, at least. When Barb lined the kids up against the growth chart, the past year was measured in growth spurts.
That is all good.
Then they were gone again, and Barb and I waited for that text or call that said that all was well; they were back safely. Our house is overly quiet, but we take pleasure in knowing that their lives, and ours, will return to normal for a short time. A very short time, because there are more changes ahead. In days that will pass like minutes, my children will be the ones waiting for the car to pull into the driveway, or for the flight to arrive. Or for the text. New traditions will be formed, new family constraints will reshape their holidays. They too, will soon wait for the chicks to return safely and be gathered in the nest.
And it will be good.
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