Amusing yourself on the Internet

Without question the World Wide Web has delivered untold hours of mindless entertainment right to our fingertips, and that’s not even counting YouTube. Even retired I don’t have enough time to browse through the millions of videos. Okay, I confess that I do go there when someone sends me a link of something they think is _____ (you fill in the blank). But if you are otherwise looking for a way to waste some time, you might try www.custommotelsign.com and see what you can come up with.

Or how about www.customroadsign.com? How I’ve longed to see this sign.

Or have you always wanted your own Hollywood star? www.getyourownstar.com is for you.

Award yourself a medal! www.getamedal.com

Getting married? www.customweddingsign.com . Okay, you get the picture(s).

But the winner for spending endless hours staring at the computer has to go to Google’s very own Blogger Play. http://play.blogger.com/ This is an endless stream (really, they are being uploaded faster than you can view them) of the pictures being placed on your and my blog pages, along with those going on the blogs of a few million of our closest friends.

Now, I’ve only watched countless hours of these pictures, but I have come to the conclusion that our non-English speaking friends are more prodigious bloggers than we are – there seem to be a great many pictures that contain words I am not familiar with. And Futball is a very popular topic – second only to babies. You can go fast or slow, click on “show info” to see information about the blog or even click on the picture to go to the blog. That’s what I need – to find more blogs that I am interested in! And sometimes it seems to go in a loop, just in case you missed something the first time.

A caveat. Google says they try very hard to screen the pictures, but they make no promises about what you might see. So keep looking.

Ole, Ole, Ole

We've been watching the Women's Soccer World Cup. The DVR is such a wonderful invention. You just tell it to record all 1st run occurrances of an event or program on a given channel and when you check of an evening you have two to four games recorded (which originally broadcast as early as 4:55AM) so you just pick and choose the games you want to watch!

The games are being played in various venues in China and as a result the crowds are often sparse, but there always seems to be a band. Now we often see drums and sometimes horns at soccer games - especially if the Brazilians are playing - but a band? It's not like the home team brings the band and cheer leaders, so we can only assume these are "Rent-A-Bands" that the host country has provided to add a festive air to the proceedings.

The only problem is that there is not too much music written specifically for the sport of soccer - or football, if you will. In fact, the only song I know is the "Ole, Ole, Ole. Brazil, Brazil," which you sometimes hear with other country names inserted. And it's not a very long song. I mean, the band would just be getting started and the song is over. Hardly worth it.

So instead, we've been hearing songs like "Jingle Bells." Yes, Jingle Bells, complete with the verse. And "Edelweiss" from Sound of Music. How about the "William Tell Overture?" And a number of military marches that we are not familiar with, as played by a German OomPah band. Or a couple of songs that must have originally been funeral dirges. And I'm not positive, but I think we heard "Yellow Rose of Texas." But there is no mistaking the finale; it's "Auld Lange Syne" in honor of these good friends whose acquaintance will never be forgot - especially if they are the losing team.

And the answer is...

The other morning Julie and the boys called. They were waiting on Jason while he attended to some errand and were working mind puzzles while they waited. They were discussing the old Farmer, Fox, Goose and Corn conundrum - how the farmer could get all his possessions safely across the river carrying only one at a time, etc. They couldn't remember exactly how the puzzle went so called for assistance; unfortunately we couldn't remember clearly, either. So after Googling the puzzle I offer this belated solution, in case they haven't already worked it out.

- The farmer takes the goose across and comes back empty handed.
- The farmer takes the corn across and comes back, bringing the goose.
- The farmer takes the fox across and comes back empty handed.
- Finally the farmer takes the goose across and they all continue on their journey.

Which made me think of puzzles that I learned as a boy and have remembered all my life - such as "A bottle and a cork cost a dollar and a dime. The bottle cost one dollar more than the cork. How much did the cork cost?"

And the "Brothers and Sisters have I none, but this man is my father's son."

And then one I really love:

Three men checked into a run-down hotel and paid $10 each to share a room. When the manager came in, he said the room was not worth $30 - the clerk should refund a total of $5.00 to the men. The clerk, thinking that he could not make an even refund of $5, gave each man back $1 and kept the remaining $2 for himself. Therefore the 3 men each paid $9 - a total of $27 and the clerk kept $2 for a grand total of $29.

What happened to the other dollar?

RFTB&D

That’s Reading for the Blind and Dyslexic. Used to be just RFTB, but they realized that there are more reading difficulties than lack of vision and now almost anyone with difficulty reading printed text can qualify for the program. In fact they have more dyslexic clients than visually-impaired clients. Maybe it should be RFTD&B.

Anyway, I’m volunteering as a reader for this organization. It stems from the “Westover plus One Percent” initiative that our Spiritual Formation minister, Rick McCall has called for. One percent of your income – apart from your church contribution – slated for a cause that exists outside the church “box” and then getting involved in the program itself (someone who shall remain nameless asked Rick if she could give 2% and skip the personal involvement part. He didn’t buy it). Mom is working with Meals on Wheels, and I chose Reading for the Blind. Sounds like a no-brainer, for my part.

Actually, I volunteered for this organization once before, a number of years ago, and they rejected me. I don’t remember the exact reason, but somehow I didn’t meet their standards as a reader. I personally think I was too good for them. Maybe that was part of the problem. But I’m back and thus far they have accepted my efforts. Maybe that’s because I have yet to read. I have been “in training” as a director. The way this works is that there are two copies of each book to be recorded and the reader sits in the recording booth and reads while the director sits outside, listening on earphones, following along in the text and controlling the recording.

It’s a computer-based recording system – digitally recording the voice as well as formatting the recording into pages and chapters. When the reader makes a mistake, you use mouse clicks to stop the recording, back up a sentence or two, play forward until you reach a good starting place and then start recording again. When you reach the end of a page, you electronically “mark” that point and the software starts on the next page unit.

The first couple of sessions I sat with another director, watching the process for the most part with just a little hands-on. Then I graduated to directing alone. After 11 – 15 hours of directing, I can take a reading test and if I pass, I can sit in the booth and make my own mistakes. I’m content to direct at the moment, because I need more experience in how various printed conventions are handled verbally. It’s not like reading fiction or even the Bible; most of the books are school texts, and you have to deal with things like graphs, charts and pictures. Or footnotes. Last week I worked with a text that had more space devoted to the notes than it did the text. Really. And in addition to the ibids and op cits, there were the eds. and vls. and pps – not to mention the ffs and pdqs. Okay, I made that last one up, but you get the picture.

Today I worked with a Math Reader. If you are a Math Reader they start bowing when you walk in the door and they throw flower petals on you and go out and wash and polish your car while you read. Good math readers are rare and hard to come by. We read from a 7^th grade text, and you’re probably aware that the current books are full of charts and diagrams and pictures and illustrations – not to mention the formulas themselves. There’s very little actual text. It goes something like this: “A. Find the approximate area of the shape in illustration B.” Then the Math Reader spends most of the time saying things like, “Illustration B is a grid, made up of 12 squares across by 9 squares down with each square representing 2 square feet. In this grid is an indiscriminate blue shape that completely covers 21 squares, covers half of 7 squares and covers less than half of 3 squares.” And if you’re good, you work this description out on the fly!

You work in 2 hour shifts – that’s about all a reader can do before they get tongue-tied – and it takes many readers to complete a book. You don’t read an entire text, because most volunteers come in only once a week and it would take two years to do a single text. Speed is of the essence; they are reading texts that have been specifically requested by someone – usually next semester’s text. That makes for a lot of variety. Thus far I have “directed” an Economics text in a section dealing with Karl Marx; a Social Studies book dealing with treatment of slaves in the South before the War, the book that was all notes (so boring I don’t even remember the topic) and the Math book. When you get good, you “self-direct.” You go in a booth, control the recording yourself and edit your own mistakes.

Of course, if you don’t make any misteakes…

I think I’ll skip the ACL Music Festival this year.

As I have done since it started in 2002. Although this is the one Zilker Park concert I could actually get a pass to (if I wanted to work). For the past three years our sister company has provided all the electrical generators and air conditioners for the event, and my ex office mate, who was a professional sound man before coming to work for John, manages one of the big stages each year.

The primary reason I’m not going is evident in the header above. That’s a photo taken during last year’s Festival. I didn’t take it. Somehow, being packed together with 65,000 of your closest friends on a sweltering summer day in Austin is not my idea of a good time. Two years ago it reached 108 degrees during the show and there was so much dust they started changing the lyrics to some Woody Guthrie Dust Bowl songs. The promoters installed an irrigation system and sprinklers after that.

In fact, the promoters, Austin-based C3 Presents, have a remarkable track record of being Austin-friendly and environmentally green. The crowds are capped at a mere 65,000 a day – they could sell 5 times that many tickets (they did sell more than 200,000 tickets in 2004). If you live near Zilker you get a pass for your vehicle, but absolutely no one else can drive in the park. It was interesting to hear my ex office mate explaining to some big names in the business that they would have to leave their tour bus at the hotel and take the trolley like everyone else.

The generators use bio-diesel, the vendors can only sell “finger foods” wrapped in biodegradable paper or corn-based plastic sacks – no plastic plates or utensils – and this year they will hand you a free souvenir sack of 25 used plastic cups on the way out. The idea is that college kids will stock their apartment kitchens with anything. C3 also puts on the Lollapalooza shows, and among other ventures, owns the Discovery Cycling Team.

Another reason I’m not going is I’m not a fan. After looking over the list of acts for the Fest, Mom said, “What does it say about my ‘with-it-ness’ that of 142 acts booked for ACL, I only recognize one name – Bob Dylan, and you would have to be dead not to have heard of Bob Dylan.” I recognize a few more names than that, but still – Bjork? Ghostland Observatory?

But ACL is one of the things that makes Austin the “Live Music Capital of the World” and it pumps a bazillion dollars into the economy, and that’s a good thing. I just need to remember not to get anywhere near Zilker park this weekend.

Progress - of sorts

After digging the big trench in the middle of the road, the construction crew left us alone for a while - until it was time to dig the lateral trenches from the big pipe to the yard, where the actual tap will be located. Here's our friendly neighborhood backhoe operator cutting through our sprinkler system and digging up our yard. What you can't see is that there is a trench between the treads that is deep enough to require 20-foot ladders to get down to the bottom.


Digging the lateral trenches left the street in rather a mess; not only was it rough to drive over the trenches, every car (or dump truck) that passed stirred up a cloud of dust! Finally, this past week they came back and paved all the trenches and now the street is nice to drive on once again. Here's the "After" picture, with everything filled in and covered over. They even repaired the sprinkler!


Now all that's left is for them to repair the curb. And then they come back and scrape ALL the asphalt off the street and repave the entire street. Can't wait for that!

You want fries with that?

While dining in elegance the other evening at our neighborhood Whataburger, or “Burgers and Fries” as Luke named it, we overheard a conversation between a drive-thru customer and one of the order-takers. The customer apparently had $1.80 to their name and was asking what they could purchase for fine dining for that amount. The clerk was reading off the items on the board that cost less than that – including the Whataburger Junior and Justaburger, fried apple pies and all the fries and drinks.

Had it been me, I would have gone to the convenience store up on the corner and purchased a buck-eighty’s worth of Slim-Jims. It wouldn’t be particularly nourishing, but you could gnaw on them for a long, long time, perhaps forgetting how broke you were.

Mom reminded me of the days when we would look for loose change in the couch cushions to come up with $2.50. If we had that much we could feed the entire family at McDonald's; 2 burgers each for Mom and Dad, one each for the kids and share some French fries and Cokes. When we first discovered McDonald's (here in Austin, on the drive from Abilene to the coast) hamburgers were 15 cents each and cokes and fries were only 10 cents each and there was no dining in. They were still changing the sign out front to tell you how many million they had sold. By the time we moved to Austin the burgers were up to 19 cents. By the late ‘70s prices had soared to 38 cents per burger!

That brought to mind the Jamaica Inn – a seafood restaurant in Abilene that we really loved. Sunday lunch cost $5 (you kids ate off our plates). We finally decided that $5 a week was an outrageous amount for us to be spending on our Sunday lunch and we quit going regularly. What were we thinking?

Interestingly, if you apply the Consumer Price Index to that $2.50, that is the equivalent of $13.42 today; $5 is equivalent to $26.84. Hmm. That’s about what we pay for burgers or a Sunday lunch today. I guess the only difference is that we don’t dig in the couch for change now – we just whip out the credit card. I miss the good old days.

You gotta love it!

A ceiling mural in a smoker's lounge.