Monday Meanderings - Nov 30

Barb put up the UT flag after Thanksgiving. The other day a door-to-door salesman knocked and when she answered the door he said, "We're selling University of Oklahoma jerseys. Would you be interested?" And then just laughed. He didn't make a sale.

Conversation while waiting for our meal order to be served:

He said:  "You certainly are enjoying the game you downloaded to your iTouch."
She said: "Hmmhu."
He said:  "Who would have thought that you would be one to get absorbed in a computer game?"
She said: "Only when there's absolutely nothing else to do besides talk to my husband."

Only in Austin. Capital Metro - that fine entity that has for eight years been unable to put rail service on an existing 32-mile railway running from Leander-to-Austin has outdone themselves. Years behind schedule, millions over budget and unable to even project a starting date, this august body has... RAISED THE RATES for a rail service that doesn't exist!

I got a call-back on my audition! Wow, first an actual audition then a call-back. There was a read-off between me and another hopeful. Don't know if it was the Grammy winner or not, but they got the part. I'll get over my disappointment. Quickly. At least I know the other guy is really good.

I find, much to my chagrin, that I did not try hard enough to find a replacement for Fang the coffee pot. I simply needed to think outside the box...uh, jar.

Happy Thanksgiving

Who knew?

That flushing could be so much fun?! We have two new super-efficient-water-saving-fully-rebated-by-the City of Austin toilets now. And when you flush them they don't go gurgle, gurgle, swish, swish, fill, fill, fill, fill. They just sort of go "glup" and "fill" they are done. At least we think they are fully-rebated by the City of Austin; the day we installed them there was a piece in the paper about how the rebate program was so successful they were running out of money.

Now I recognize that writing about toilets on the blog is somewhat iffy - but hey, when you are retired you get your fun where you can find it! And really, this blog is really not about flushing toilets, as much fun as that is (if you don't believe me, ask your kids and grand kids). It really is about what we discovered when we replaced the toilets.

Like this:

Actually, we were expecting this. During the Great Remodeling, we had them strip wall paper and paint the front bath, and we could peek behind the old tank and see that we had been shortchanged on texture and paint. What we did not expect to find was this:

Yes, that is duct tape holding the cut-out plug of wall-board (And wall paper) in place! Evidently some last-minute pipe repair was needed, and hey - it's going to be covered by that big old tank, so why not stick that sucker back with duct tape?

Barbara asked, "Who would do something like that?" My response: "Someone who knew they would get away with it for 35 years!"

The pictures admittedly are from severe angles - in actuality, it's not that visible, but Barb says pretending there's no problem is not acceptable.  She also rejected my suggestion of wall hangings with long tassels, so I guess whatever we do will involve paint and texture and wall paper. She asked Julie (curator of the Fresno Wallpaper Museum) to bring her wallpaper removal tools and skills when she came to visit and Julie said she suddenly had a conflict and wasn't coming to see us anymore. At least until there was NO MENTION OF WALLPAPER in the invitation.

So, any suggestions?

Monday Meanderings - Nov 23

Saw two decals on the same auto rear window. The first and most prominent decal said, "I hate stupid people." The second, less-obvious decal said, "I am blessed."

Ate at Marie Callender's the other evening; noticed that they have a big refrigerated trailer (like those  hauled by semis) parked out back, full of pies? Turkies? Good things to eat, for sure.

We're between seasons, bird-wise. Even the pair of Finches that didn't get the memo and stayed behind are now gone. However, a Crested Titmouse came to feed the other day. That's a bird new to my list.

My sweet wife made me an upside-down Snuggie - you know, the blanket with sleeves. Except mine doesn't have sleeves - it has feet. Well, a pocket for my feet. So when I get up in the night and sit in the recliner I have this wonderful fleece blanket to cover me and a pouch for my cold feet. It's heavenly!

Saturday I had an audition. A real, honest-to-goodness audition for a role in a musical production. You know, the kind where you bring your material to the appointed place, sit with the other auditioners (eying each other warily), get called into the room and do your thing before the producers. "Thanks, we'll call you - don't call us." It has been a looong time since I auditioned for a role.

Mark Ship, his brother Jerry and others have written an oratorio based on the book "Hinds' Feet on High Places" which is a Christian allegory. They use a narrator to tie all the music together, and that's the role I auditioned for. There is a "stipend" for the role. Interestingly, several professional voices have auditioned for the role, including someone who has won a couple of Grammy's. One guy listed work that he had done in "Saturday Night Lights." Jerry Ship's wife, who was ushering people in and out and just moved here from Portland asked me, "What is Saturday Night Lights?" Uh, you're not from around here, are you Ma'am?

I think this should be logged under the ever-popular "Why Women Live Longer Than Men" category:

It's not just the Obituaries...

Keeping Austin Weird is more than just a bumper sticker. You read the weird obituary; here's today's weird weather forecast - straight from the pages of the Austin American Statesman. You can't make this stuff up, folks!

"Stricken denizens of Central Texas this morning continue to dig out after the longest and bitterest cold front in more than eight months mercifully moved out of the area. The front, dragged here by a muskoxen team from Iqalut, a tiny town in the Canadian Arctic province of Nunavut, brought with it frigid temperatures in the mid-20s in some godforsaken places and left a blanket of frozen snow at least zero inches deep in most of the Hill Country.

Commuters are being warned by the National Weather Service this morning to dress in their longest shorts and their thickest long sleeve tee shirts. They are being asked to use extreme caution on roads that were not plowed overnight. The operators of schools and businesses have been asked to use good judgment if and when they decide to open today. The Weather Service also reports that the shelves of most of the convenience stores in the area are fully stocked with bottled water.

And although the worst of it has passed, the Weather Service says we are getting one last slap today with a high temperature reaching just 74. We can console ourselves with sunny skies before being plunged into an overnight low of 47. And just when we begin to breathe a sigh of relief, there is a 20 percent chance of showers on Thursday after noon. The high should be near 73. The chance of rain increases to 70 percent Thursday night with a low of 58."

And, for you doubters, here's the link.

On any corner...

I saw four teenagers – well, they didn’t look older than teenagers – panhandling on a street corner the other day. Scattered around on the ground were guitars and skateboards, back packs and bed rolls; all their earthly goods. One of the two girls - the designated panhandler for that corner – stood with a cardboard sign that read “Hunger sucks.”

As I waited for the light to change, watching this little group, the two boys and the other girl came to some kind of decision and the boys gathered up their belongings and walked away. For good? To find another corner to work? I don’t know.

So many questions that I would never know the answer to. Who were these children? Where did they come from? Did they know where they were headed? Did they know what was ahead of them? The “Hunger Sucks” sign suggested they were catching on. What tear in the family fabric led them to believe that standing on the street corner was preferable to what they left at home. Was this a rock band without a gig? Were the guys manipulating the girls? Were the girls manipulating the guys?  What would it be like to sit down with them and hear their stories? Was there anything I could do besides drive on?

That of course is what I did. The light changed and I drove on. When I came back by that intersection a couple of hours later there was no trace of any of them. But they have stuck in my mind for several days now. Panhandlers are an every-corner occurrence in Austin. What was it about these four that nags at me?  Their youth? Their seeming vulnerability? Under what circumstances could those have been my children? Were the parents looking desperately for them, or was it good riddance?

I pass haggard, unkempt weary souls every day in this town and truthfully think little of it. I wonder how long it will be before those four are haggard, unkempt and weary souls.

Monday Meanderings - Nov 16

We regularly pass a church sign that reads: "Good Korean Church of the Nazarene." Which poses the question...

This past week during my time volunteering at Reading for the Blind, I read the Constitution. Not a book about the Constitution - the actual Constitution, the Bill of Rights (the first 10 amendments) and the 17 subsequent amendments. Interesting. I don't think I had ever read the entire thing.

Mom has named her iTouch timer Mocha. She uses the timer app regularly and has the notice set to a barking dog. So we'll be sitting quietly reading or watching TV and all the sudden a little dog starts barking. She tried the duck sound for a while but it just didn't have the warmth that the little dog does. Plus, when she recharges it at night she refers to that as "putting Mocha on the leash."

Went to our first Lady Longhorn Basketball game of the season Friday night. We're not positive, but this is probably around our 30th season. The Drum was opened in '77 and we started attending shortly after that. In the old days we could arrive 15 minutes before game time and park across the street. It's more of an undertaking now.

Coach G held the star player out of the 1st half of the game. Misconduct? Banned substances? Ran afoul of the law? No, slept late and missed a class. They hold them to a higher standard in womens' sports.

We've been toilet shopping. Do you have any idea how many brands, types and models of toilets there are? For a product that you buy only every 30 years or so it seems to be a very hot market.

And they range from the ridiculous -

To the sublime.

Honestly, I don't see my self on either of these. I would be afraid I would fall off the first and the second would give me nightmares. Yes, that is a Dias de la Muerte motif!

Fortunately these two were not on the list of toilets that the City of Austin will reimburse you for, so what we purchased looks more like, well,,, normal toilets. Except they are "comfort-height" - toilet-speak for "old folks can get up from these."

Since our water bill often exceeds our electric bill, and since using the toilet is about the most fun old folks have, it's time to economize with high-efficiency models. That's toilet speak for flush twice, but at 1.28gpf we're still ahead of the game.

And of course, this all reminds me of Pops. "Had a good day today."

Check please!

For several years we have followed a blog written by an anonymous waiter as he toiled in an up-scale bistro in Manhattan. He blogged about his nightly adventures and eventually turned that blog into a best-selling book "Waiter Rant - Thanks for the Tip" At that point he was no longer anonymous and appeared on Oprah and the Today show and pretty much quit blogging since he was famous and all and busy signing autographs and appearing on TV and such.

But the other day he posted something and I'm flat stealing it. He posted a copy of an actual check from Nello's in New York City. Here it is:

Yes, that is a mid-five figure dinner tab. That check is more than we paid for all of the houses we have ever owned combined (both of them), with enough left over to take a trip around the world! Well, if we flew steerage. People, the gratuity is $7,328 (some waiter is probably just now sobering up)! The State and City of New York collected more than $3,250 in taxes!

The most expensive line-item is the 3 bottles of La Tache Romanee Conti at $5,000 a pop. I did a little research on this and those people who are fond of spoiled grape juice have this to say about it: "The scarcest, most expensive - and frequently the best - wine in the world ... If you can lay your hands on a case - and that is a big 'if' - you would have to pay £5,000 or more for a young vintage, double or treble for a wine in its prime. ... Not only nectar: a yardstick with which to judge all other Burgundies." Woo Hoo. I could probably buy a small Pepsi bottling company for $15,000. Certainly if you tossed in the two jugs of Chateau Petrus and the magnums of Cristal Rose. I thought a magnum was an ice cream bar and the most we ever paid for those was two bucks American in El Salvador. But no, I looked it up and found out they are talking about a gallon or so of champagne.

We were in Costco the other day and I looked, and I couldn't find any of these beverages in the wine section, so I'm thinking someone is running a scam. I say that because there is another little line item for "1 Large Water - $12.00"  on the bill. Now I paid $12 for a plain old hamburger in New York a couple of years ago and I thought that was a rip-off. Paying $12 for a bottle of water has to be against the law. Get a rope.

So, I can draw two lessons from this little item:

1. Don't eat at Nello's. That's a given.
2. And if you do go out to eat in NYC, bring your own water. And don't ask for a glass to pour it in. There's probably a $6 charge. Plus tax. Plus 20% tip.
   

Nothing is ever easy

I mentioned Mom's new iTouch. The one that was going to be a Christmas surprise (well, she promised to act surprised). I could have pulled it off if her Palm had not kept quitting on her with ever-increasing frequency. It has died several times but I've managed to perform mouth-to-circuit resuscitation each time. Until recently. Now it goes away and nothing I know how to do makes a difference; then it comes back to life a day or so later and acts like nothing is wrong. It quit the other evening and the next morning Fry's ad had the iTouch on sale (okay - Apple products are never on sale, but it was a few bucks cheaper) and I took that as a sign.

As for the "Nothing is ever easy" part - a new iTouch comes with the latest operating system, which requires an upgrade to iTunes, which requires a Service Pack to be applied the PC. Of course,  I hadn't gotten around to applying Service Pack 3 - never mind that it's been out a year or so. I think not applying Service Packs is analogous to "Don't mess with a happy baby" . It's all working now - why run the risk of breaking something? And before I catch any grief from the Mac crowd - you have the same problem:  iTouch 2.0 requires iTunes 9.0 which requires Mac OS X v10.4.11 or later.


Anyway, the larger problem was getting calendar items and address book entries and Bible versions and Diabetes tracking applications from the Palm to the Touch. That was the part I was going to do surreptitiously so as to surprise her with the done deed. It was a lot easier with her help, I have to admit.

So now the Palm is retired (the one that is operating just beautifully, thank you) and Mom is loving the iTouch (when she can get it away from me).

Monday Meanderings - Nov 9

The past couple of weeks have been a wonderful reminder of why we live in Austin - beautiful weather; warm sunny days and cool crisp evenings, a little bit of color in the trees. And we get this twice a year!

What does United Parcel Service UPS have in common with my cart at WalMart this week? Neither one turns left. Well, the cart would if you just shoved it sideways with a great deal of shrieking of the wheels against the tile. I wonder why Mom wouldn't walk with me?

What's better than working three days a week? Working two days a week. Bit of a backlog at the office - waiting on others, so my manager suggested I take Thursday off too. I like the way he thinks!

Finally replaced Fang, the lethal-looking coffee maker. Tried to find a pot to replace the one with the broken, jagged pour spout. No such luck. Looked at makers often, but the rage seems to computer-controlled, barista-approved, bean-grinding brewing systems. I do not want to wake up to the sound of coffee beans grinding; I just want a simple maker with a removable basket. The unit I got still has too many bells and whistles, lights and buttons, but I was able to make a good cup of coffee (after a couple of trys) so I guess it's okay.

Keeping Austin Weird

Folks, you can't make this stuff up (you can only edit it slightly).  It's what makes Austin a great place to live!

Obituary in the November 1 American Statesman -

John Doe died peacefully October 14, 2009, after almost 10 years of trying to convince the leukemia cells in his body that if they insisted in displacing all of the good working blood cells required for health that their arrogance would backfire. They would win the battle and lose the war. Kill the proverbial goose that laid the golden egg. Well, they did not listen. They won the battle and lost the war. This is similar to the way many of our present day leaders in the world operate.

John was preceded in death by his parents, and billions of other people, many of whom died because someone else felt they needed to take their stuff or they followed the wrong religion. John is survived by his wife, Jane of 36 years, a good woman who put up with a lot. He is also survived by his sister,  his sons, his daughter and two grandchildren. John is also survived by six billion five hundred million other human beings who are all engaged in a frantic struggle to get their share of mother earth's resources before finally killing her.

John's body was cremated and a memorial service will be held in November. Some of John's ashes were spread by his Dad's grave along with those of his dog. Some will be spread in the mountains of Colorado and some with Jane in the future. John wishes peace and tranquility for all who read this and a reminder that life in any given physical body is truly short.

Amen.

The Oil Bidness

Texas is known primarily for two things - oil and cattle. So if you want to be a true Texan it stands to reason that you need a ranch with some cattle on it and a few pump jacks scattered around the lower 40.

Well, I'm still working on the ranch, though I think the box of steaks in the freezer ought to count for something. But I've got the oil well down pat. Lease 326, Pace Unit, Stephens County Texas. That's my oil well.

Okay, it's mine and a bunch of other folks, too. I know that because my share is .00084151 percent. Ya'll, I admit that that's not a very big slice, but it's enough to receive a couple of royalty payment checks a year, and added all together it's enough to have to report on IRS Schedule E, less my 15% depletion, well-head taxes and the Property Tax bill from Mrs. Terry Sullivan, Stephens County Tax Assessor and Collector. Being in the Oil Bidness is complicated; I can just imagine how it will be when I get my ranch.

So how did I end up with 0.00084151 percent of an oil well in Stephens County Texas? Like most oilmen today, I inherited it from my Daddy, the Oil Baron. It was under the family house in Breckenridge Texas, that oil was discovered, or rediscovered, or remembered, or they finally got around to (along with a bunch of his neighbors). Him being a true Texan through and through, he was more interested in preserving the pristine grandeur of his sweeping back yard, but they finally assured him that any environmental impact was going to be several miles north on Park Street and slant-well drilling was the answer to the petroleum industry's problems. And there you have it. Instant 0.00252453 of a millionaire!

So now, when I pull up to the gas pump and contemplate paying $2.49 a gallon for gasoline, I think to myself, "Yes, but crude is up to $70 a barrel. The royalty check is probably up another .06 cents!"

It's good to be in the Oil Bidness.

Monday Meanderings - Nov 2

In Austin you are never quite sure about the people you see dressed in strange garb while you are out and about. Is it because they were dressing up for the office Halloween party, or is it just another day in Austin?

I have an update on the "All you had to do was ask" sign. It appears that it is an individual hacked off at the City of Comanche after some unknown but seemingly heavy handed action on the part of the City. How do I know this? I called the newspaper in Comanche and talked to a very helpful reporter.

I can't persuade Mom that just because there might be a Volkswagen Beetle in a large parking lot of cars she can't claim a Swat Bug on me. She says I'm inflexible, rulewise.

Last weekend McCoy and Shipley played football - against each other. This was little brother Case McCoy and little Brother Jaxson Shipley, playing for Graham and Brownwood Highs, respectively. Case has already committed to UT; it's a pretty good bet Jaxson will too. The American Statesman calls this McCoy to Shipley, the Sequel. Sounds good to me.

Christmas came early this weekend. Santa brought Mom an iTouch. Santa was going to surprise her, but her Palm is in the middle of electronic death throes. Now what was going to be a covert migration of appointments and addresses is an all out emergency. And of course, you know the deal (repeat after me...) NOTHING IS EVER EASY! More on this later.

And a couple of weeks ago we pulled into the Dairy Queen in Goldthwaite and noticed a car that was only about 1/3 in the parking space - the rest was sticking out into the driveway. As we left, the driver of the car - an elderly lady - was getting behind the wheel and a man called out to her and asked her about her parking style. She said, "I'm 84 years old. What do you expect from me?"  I really like that response; I'm planning on using it myself. Soon.