More old jokes about being old

1. I'm the life of the party..... even if it lasts until 8 p.m.
2. I'm very good at opening childproof caps.... with a hammer.
3. I'm usually interested in going home before I get to where I am going.
4. I'm awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.
5. I'm smiling all the time because I can't hear a thing the Mrs is saying.
6. I'm very good at telling stories; over and over and over and over.
7. I'm so cared for -- long term care, eye care, private care, dental care.
8. I'm not really grouchy, I just don't like traffic, crowds, unruly kids,  barking dogs, long lines, liberal politicians and a few other things I can't seem to remember right now.
9. I'm sure everything I can't find is in a safe secure place, somewhere.
10. I'm wrinkled, saggy, lumpy, and that's just my left leg.
11. I'm having trouble remembering simple words like......?
12. I'm beginning to realize that aging is not for sissies.
13. I'm wondering, if you're only as old as you feel, how could I be alive at 150?
14. I'm a walking storeroom of facts... I've just lost the key to the storeroom door.