On the brink of a Velveetapocalypse!

Just when we need it most - just as the NFL playoffs and Super Bowl loom - there may be a shortage of Velveeta.  Folks, we are facing a dip crisis!

I have seen a few tweets and posts about the possibility of a Velveeta shortage, but recently some enterprising reporter went straight to the source. A call to Kraft elicited this response: "Given the incredible popularity of Velveeta this time of year, it is possible consumers may not be able to find their favorite product on store shelves over the next couple of weeks." The spokesperson went on to say that she expected this to be a short-term issue, amplified by the fact that this is peak Velveeta season. You heard me. Peak Velveeta season!

Americans spend about $500 million a year on Velveeta, and I am pretty sure most of it is consumed during January and on the first Sunday in February. True connoisseurs turn up their noses at Velveeta - "the cheese for people who can't cook" - but that's not important. The simple fact is there is no cheese product better for making queso, and there is the basis of the crisis. You can talk about your cheese and mac all you want, but without a batch of queso from a package of Velveeta and a can of Ro-Tel diced tomatoes and chilies come Super Bowl Sunday we are undone!

Even after reading the side of the box I am not sure exactly what Velveeta is made of. It was invented in 1908 by Caleb Hommel of Monroe, N.Y., as a means to salvage all the leftovers from the process of pressing cheese into wheels. Kraft Foods bought the VelVeeta Company in 1927 and marketed it as a health food; it had the seal of approval of the American Medical Association in the 1930s. In 2002, however, the Food and Drug Administration warned Kraft to stop calling it a "pasteurized process cheese spread." Kraft now calls it a "pasteurized prepared cheese product."  Say what?

Whatever it is, it is getting scarce in some parts of the country. There are now random listings of packages of Velveeta on Ebay! Folks, you can't make this stuff up!

But wait! Is it possible that this is an artificial shortage designed to panic football fans and drive up sales, just like the canned pumpkin shortage and the pre-Thanksgiving turkey shortage? Is this just to encourage Velveeta hoarding? I wouldn't be surprised if there will also soon be an artificial chip shortage, blamed on a poor corn harvest - or a guacamole shortage, blamed on an avocado blight in Southern California. We are at the mercy of greedy dip merchants!

I blame the Obama Administration, or the Republicans, or both. Maybe this is part of the government's war on cheese. Maybe we need an ACA - an Affordable Cheese Act.

Whatever. My advice is buy up all the Velveeta you can (the stuff has a shelf life of 25 years or so, so go large)! As of this past weekend Walmart still had some. I'm going to store my 25 boxes with the rest of my survival supplies, along with the bottled water, batteries, flashlights and  first-aid kit. Along with some Ro-Tel, of course.