Monday Meanderings - 7.10.2017

You may recall that I have - for more than 50 years - provided sound and audio services for weddings. My daughter keeps telling me that I should write a book about my experiences. And I might. If I do, my most recent wedding will have a chapter all its own. My first (and perhaps my last) Rwandan wedding.

Some background. The congregation that Barb and I attend ministers to a large contingent of African refugees. Some are from the Congo, some from Ghana, some from Zaire, and a good-sized group from Rwanda. When you walk through the church foyer you will hear groups speaking French, Swahili and a variety of other dialects.

So a couple of our Rwandan members decided to get married and the ceremony was to be a mixture of traditional USA and traditional Rwandan. However, I soon found out that the USA traditions were minimal and this wedding was going to mostly reflect an entirely different culture.

Two dominant aspects of traditional Rwandan culture seem to be a lack of urgency, coupled with a concept called "African Time." The lack of urgency can best be exemplified by my two-week struggle to get my hands on the music to be played in the wedding.

The second tradition was explained as "The wedding is at 3:30. We told most people it was at 3:00. Some people we told it was 2:00. African time, don't you know?" By the way, the wedding actually started at 4:15 (and people kept coming throughout the entire ceremony).

There was to be no rehearsal, so I met with RJ, the groom-to-be, on Friday afternoon to discuss the 4 songs that he (finally) sent me, and the order in which they would be played.

RJ: "The first two songs are for when we come in."

Me: "Uh, there's 12 minutes of music here. It won't take you that long for everybody to get down there"

RJ: "You can start them over."

Me: "Both of them?"

RJ:"Yeah. And that last song there, that's for when we come back."

Me: "Ahh, the recessional. Got it. What about the third one?"

RJ:"Play that when nothing is happening in the wedding. You choose."

Me: "Uhhhhh."

RJ:"Did I tell you my brother is going to play the guitar?"

Me: "No. When?"

RJ:  "I don't know. When he gets up you will know it's time for him."

Me: "Right. Okay, I think we're done here."

Silly me. It did take most of 12 minutes to get everybody down the aisle.  Especially the guys. I'm not sure but what they were taking mini-naps after each step. It was a long, slow process. The ladies sailed right on down. Maybe it represented the male culture of fear of commitment and the female anxiety to get married. I don't know.

The next cultural difference was a series of questions the minister asked the families (in Swahili, no less - I was proud of our minister; the audience was rolling in the aisles). Basically, the questions asked if the groom and bride had fulfilled their obligations to each family. Evidently they had. Everybody sat down.

Another notable difference was that at a certain point during the wedding, those attending were expected to bring a gift to the bride and groom. We reached that point, and I played the song for "when nothing is happening in the wedding." But nothing happened. Not one person brought a gift. Awkward.

Then a guy in the audience hustled back to one of our ministers and said, "Do you have a basket?" We did, and the guy carried it down to the groom, and immediately people began bringing gifts. Evidently one does not just hand the gift over directly.

And one last cultural difference. Here's a clip of some of the attendants during the recessional.