Things your kids may not know about - or will soon forget about

I wrote last week about the near-disappearance of the drive-in movie theater. That got me to thinking about things that we once knew as familiar parts of our lives, but are no longer around, or are on the brink of vanishing.

To be sure, there are a great many more things that could go on this list, like milk being delivered to your doorstep in glass bottles (with cardboard disks as stoppers), or telephones with no dials or buttons that required the operator to complete a call, but I've tried to focus on the things that were familiar to me as an adult. Some of these things might still be in your closet or attic, and they may even be for sale somewhere. Perhaps the litmus test is, do your kids know what these are or were used for?

Here's what I came up with:

1. VHS tapes.
2. VCRs to put them in.
3. Playing music on an audio tape using a personal stereo (i.e. Walkman).
4. Ditto the Discman.
5. Transistor radios.
6. Rotary dial televisions with no remote control (the kids were the remote control).
7. Black and white televisions. 
8. Snow on the TV screen (now it's digital artifacts).
9. Outdoor TV antennas.
10. Tubes in radios and TVs.
11. Tube testers in most drug stores.
12. Analog TVs. 
13. TV stations that signed off after Johnny Carson.
14. Scanning the radio dial and hearing static between stations.
15. Shortwave radio.
16. Wires. OK, so they’re not gone yet, but it won’t be long.
17. The distinctive noise of a dial-up modem connecting.
18. Spending many minutes (or even hours!) to download something.
19. The sound of a dot-matrix printer.
20. 5-inch and 3-inch floppies, Zip Discs and countless other forms of data storage.
21. Having to delete something to make room on your hard drive.
22. Booting your computer off of a floppy disk.
23. Finding out information from an encyclopedia.
24. A physical dictionary — either for spelling or definitions.
25. Using a road atlas to get from A to B.
26. Doing bank business only when the bank is open.
27. Shopping only during the day, Monday to Saturday.
28. The four-pound Sears catalog.
29. Ads on the back of comics for "X-ray glasses."
30. Filling out an order form by hand, putting it in an envelope and mailing it.
31. Carrying on a correspondence with real letters, especially the handwritten kind.
32. Airmail letters on a wafer thin blue paper.
33. Smoking allowed on airplanes.
34. Kentucky Fried Chicken, as opposed to KFC.
35. Real keys for the motel door.
36. When Spam was just a meat product 
37. Typewriter erasers (round eraser wheel with an attached brush).
38. Typewriters.
39. Dittos - spirit duplicated pages. 
40. Mimeograph machines. 
41. Carbon paper.
42. Fountain pens.
43. Super-8 movies and cine film of any kind.
44. Putting film in your camera.
45. Sending that film away to be processed & mailed back.
46. Snapshots (on paper) in your wallet/purse.
47. Polaroid cameras.
48. Carousel slide projectors.
49. CB radios.
50. Green Stamps.
51. Using a stick to point at information on a wallchart
52. Walk-in telephone booths.
53. Rotary-dial telephones.
54. Pay phones.
55. Paying for long distance in the US.
56. Phones with actual bells in them.
57. Remembering someone’s phone number.
58. Not knowing who was calling you on the phone.
59. Trig tables and log tables.
60. What a slide rule is, let alone how to use it.
61. Actual card catalogs at the library.
62. Swimming pools with diving boards.
63. See-Saws or Teeter-Totters. 
64. Lawn darts (okay, that was a bad idea anyway)
65. Chemistry sets.
66. Clamp-on roller skates (with steel wheels)
67. Cap guns with paper caps.
68. Juke boxes (yeah, but I don't go into those places).
69. Having to manually unlock a car door.
70. Gas station attendants.
71. Coin operated scales to weigh yourself on.
72. Bottle caps with cork liners
73. Barbershop poles.
74. Leaded gasoline.
75. Running boards on cars.
76. Fender skirts.
77. Flash bulbs and cubes.
78. Standard shift automobiles.
79. No power steering or power brake assist.
80. Side vent windows in autos.

What can you add to the list?

Still resting up

After all that blogging effort yesterday, I'm too tired to post anything today.

I'm an old man, you know. I need my rest.

Today I am seventy.

I didn't set out to be seventy. It was not a long-standing goal, something on my list of things to do. It just happened. Yesterday I was in my late sixties and today I am in my seventies. I'm a little surprised, to be truthful. It's not that I mind being seventy;  I consider this period of my life to be among the very best I've experienced. But being seventy sets a certain road mark, a personal Rubicon, if you will. A boundary that, once crossed, tends to be more defining than I might like.

At age seventy you acknowledge full well what you have known for some time; that you are not going to be an industrial tycoon, you are not going to find the cure for cancer, you are not going to speak seven languages including Pashto, you are not going to live next to Paradise Falls, and you are not going to write the Great American Novel. Great American Blog, maybe, but the novel is out.

In my youth I entertained thoughts that I might be a famous movie star. Or front a rock and roll band (okay, that thought still crosses my mind). Or be a famous singer. I had no trouble picturing myself trekking to base camp at Everest. Summers in Colorado, winters in Arizona. Maybe life as an ex-pat somewhere like the Czech Republic - when I'm not on the Riviera. Oh, there's a long list unchecked.

Instead, I have become a curmudgeon that treasures - almost above all else - staying at home, venturing out no further than Chuy's, Rudy's, Fran's and the occasional excursion to Port A. I confess I'm torn about trips to see the grand-kids; love the visits, hate the travel.

My parents lived into their nineties. I have no such expectation, so at age seventy, I now begin to look through the other end of the telescope. You know, up until now you have looked in the big end and things are far, far away in the distance. At this age, you turn the thing around to its normal use and suddenly objects are closer than they appear. I can see borders, boundaries, edges, and limits. I see the ends of many things that I never thought had limits; indeed, I have passed some of those ends already and they recede behind me in the distance. Many I don't miss. Going to work is one of them. Mowing the lawn is another. I do wish my vision was better and that my hearing would stick around a while longer, though. And don't get me started about my mind. Where was I?

What once were cliches are now truths -

• For the first half of your life, people tell you what you should do; for the second half, they tell you what you should have done.
• Wisdom doesn't necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself.
• Old age comes at a bad time.
• The time to begin most things is ten years ago.
• To me, old age is always fifteen years older than I am.
• If I'd known how old I was going to be I'd have taken better care of myself.
• In youth we run into difficulties; in old age difficulties run into us.
• The first half of life consists of the capacity to enjoy without the chance; the last half consists of the chance without the capacity.
• We get too soon old and too late smart.
• By the time we've made it, we've had it.
• At twenty we worry about what others think of us; at forty we don't care about what others think of us; beyond sixty we discover they haven't been thinking about us at all.

But I have no regrets now that I've achieved this dubious distinction. I have enjoyed the company of a loving companion for 49 of those years. Our children and grandchildren honor us with God-led lives. I've been places I never expected to be, seen things I never expected to see, and done things I've never expected to do.

By my count, I've passed through 53 different airports and visited 12 different countries. I've driven to all three coasts and as far north as Wyoming. I've been in 31 of the 48 states. I've walked the black beaches in El Salvador and gathered sea shells on the white sands of Captiva Island.

I've walked on a live volcano; I have reached the summit of 3 fourteen-thousand foot mountains (two of them on foot ). I've been swept down a Guatemalan river; I very nearly let my children sweep down the Perdenales River. I've visited ancient civilizations in four different countries. I've stood on top of the Empire State Building; I've been to ground zero. I've stood in a church (built in the 14th century) that was located on the spot where religious services have been conducted since 925. I have encountered God in a rough tent pitched in a cornfield.

I've met Elvis, Johnny Horton, Brenda Lee, Connie Francis, Peter Paul and Mary, Johnny Cash, Bryan Hyland, and Pat Boone. I was backstage during an Elvis concert and a PP&M concert. I have stayed up all night because I wanted to; I have stayed up all night because I had to. I have spent the night on the State Capitol grounds.

I have been a rodeo clown, a grocery store clerk, pumped gas when it was 16 cents a gallon, and worked construction. I've ridden a bicycle more than 5,000 miles delivering newspapers. I've been a disk jockey, a tape duplicator, a motion picture extra, a sound recorder, a salesman, a telephone survey-taker, a computer programmer and a systems analyst. 

I've encountered a Big Horn sheep up close and personal next door to the Garden of the Gods. I've encountered a black bear in a Yellowstone campground. I have bartered for hammocks in Chichicastenango and haggled for jewelry in Cuzco.

I've driven down Route 66 and across the Mojave desert. I've camped in Red River, Grand Canyon, Yellowstone, Mesa Verde, the Tetons, Bryce Canyon, Zion, Lake Mead, Mt. Capulan and many places that don't have names. I have been snowed on on the 4th of July. I have been wet before. I have seen Bald Eagles soar.

I've drunk milk from fresh coconuts in Central America,  I've drunk coffee boiled in a paper bag on a campfire beside a Texas stock tank. I've eaten escargot in Florida (tasted like snails). I rejected the offer of guinea pig in Peru. I've eaten some of the world's best BBQ.

Thinking about all that sort of makes me tired.  I think I'll go rest a bit before starting on the rest of the journey. Ya'll have a good day.

It is the music that I remember

 

Google featured a clever "Doodle" on June 9 to honor Les Paul; you could move the cursor over the strings to strum and pick out music. I completely forgot why I went to Google in the first place, I was having so much fun.

Les Paul and his wife Mary Ford were staples in my adolescent music world. Yes, I know that he practically  "invented" the solid-body electric guitar, and that he was the Father of multi-track recordings, and that after a horrific accident he had the doctors set his now-immobile arm permanently at a 90 degree angle so that he could continue to play the guitar, but it the music that I remember.

"How High the Moon," "Nola," The World is Waiting for the Sunrise," "Tiger Rag," and of course, "Vaya con Dios." Lush, close-miked vocals, literally dozens of instrument and vocal tracks, incredible guitar licks, trills, chording sequences, fretting techniques and timing. It was a totally unique sound. YouTube has dozens of Les Paul and Mary Ford recordings. Help yourself.

That was then. This is now. Looking back at the technology of what he accomplished is staggering. The Les Paul solid body guitar has been a staple in the music industry for more than 60 years! In this digital age, multi-track recording with effects and phase shifting is a yawn. Paul did it with multiple analog tape machines (at a time when they were experimental themselves). The Ampex professional machines that I used in the recording studio were the direct descendants of  Paul's workshop efforts. Impressive.

But it is the music that I remember.

Growing older in Austin

This blog entry is intended for those whose level of maturity qualifies them to relate.

1960:     Long hair
2011:     Longing for hair

1960:     KEG
2011:     EKG

1960:     Acid rock
2011:     Acid reflux

1960:     Moving to California because it's cool
2011:     Moving to Arizona because it's warm

1960:     Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
2011:     Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor

1960:     Seeds and stems
2011:     Roughage

1960:     Hoping for a BMW
2011:     Hoping for a BM

1960:     Going to a new, hip joint
2011:     Receiving a new hip joint

1960:     Rolling Stones
2011:     Kidney Stones

1960:     Disco
2011:    Costco

1960:     Begging your parents to let your hair grow
2011:     Begging your hair to grow

1960:     Passing the drivers' test
2011:     Passing the vision test

Here's a bonus.  Each year the staff at Beloit College in Wisconsin puts together "The Mindset List" to try to give the faculty a sense of the mindset of this year's incoming freshmen.  Here are some items from the list for the class of 2011:

 What Berlin wall?
 Humvees, minus the artillery, have always been available to the public.
 They have grown up with bottled water.
 General Motors has always been working on an electric car.
 Nelson Mandela has always been free and a force in South Africa.
 Pete Rose has never played baseball.
 Rap music has always been mainstream.
 Women have always been police chiefs in major cities.
 Eastern Airlines has never “earned their wings” in their lifetime.
 Wal-Mart has always been a larger retailer than Sears and has always employed more workers than GM.
 Being “lame” has to do with being dumb or inarticulate, not disabled.

 They never found a prize in a Coca-Cola “MagiCan.”
 Being a latchkey kid has never been a big deal.
 Thanks to MySpace and Facebook, autobiography can happen in real time.
 They learned about JFK from Oliver Stone and Malcolm X from Spike Lee.
 High definition television has always been available.
 Time has always worked with Warner.
 Tiananmen Square is a 2008 Olympics venue, not the scene of a massacre.
 The purchase of ivory has always been banned.
 They never saw Johnny Carson live on television.
 Chavez has nothing to do with iceberg lettuce and everything to do with oil.
 The World Wide Web has been an online tool since they were born.
 Chronic fatigue syndrome has always been debilitating and controversial.
 Burma has always been Myanmar.
 Dilbert has always been ridiculing cubicle culture.
 Food packaging has always included nutritional labeling.



Yep. Had a good day today.

Texting for Seniors

My thanks to Barb's sister Betty for sharing these...

ATD - at the doctor.

BFF - best friend fell.

BTW - bring the wheelchair.

BYOT - bring your own teeth.

FWIW - forgot where I was.

GGPBL - gotta go, pacemaker battery low.

GHA - got heartburn again.

IMHO - is my hearing aid on?

LMDO - laughing my dentures out.

OMMR - on my massage recliner.

ROFLACGU - rolling on floor laughing and can't get up

TTYL - talk to you louder!

Old People Jokes

For some reason, people keep sending me jokes about old people. I don't understand why, myself, but I stick them in a folder so that from time-to-time -- like now -- I can share them with you.
 
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.'
The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet.
I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!'

**********************************************************************************

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?'
Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'
'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?'
'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

**********************************************************************************

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.'
The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'
The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... The one that's red and has thorns?'
'Do you mean a rose?'
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'

**********************************************************************************

Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital. After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'

**********************************************************************************

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
'So I hear you're getting married?'
'Yep!'
'Do I know her?'
'Nope!'
'This woman, is she good looking?'
'Not really.'
'Is she a good cook?'
'Nah, she can't cook too well.'
'Does she have lots of money?'
'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'
'Well, then, is she good in bed?'
'I don't know.'
'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'
'Because she can still drive!'

**********************************************************************************

A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.'
'Really,' answered the neighbor . 'What kind is it?'
'Twelve thirty.'

**********************************************************************************

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. The doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'
Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mama and be cheerful.'
The doctor said, 'I didn't say that. I said, You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'

**********************************************************************************

And I want you to know that my mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.

If My Body Were A Car...

Among the flotsam and jetsam of the Internet was this forwarded item. So true, so true.

IF  MY BODY WERE A  CAR...

If  my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and  dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull ...  But that's not the worst of it.

My  headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close. Or far away.

My steering is shot and I keep running into and over things.

My  horsepower is losing horses; doesn't take much of a hill to stall me out.

My GPS gizmo is completely out of whack; I seldom know where I am going or where I've been.

It  takes me hours to get moving properly, and I'm not getting very good mileage anymore.

But  here's the worst of it  -- Almost every time I sneeze,  cough or hit a bump, either my radiator leaks or my exhaust  backfires!