Yes, that's right. I am in the process of restructuring this blog into a money-making machine! Soon. I will be the darling of the Internet and a success story beyond imagination.
What started me thinking about this is SXSW - the little festival that could, now underway in Austin. What began as a little Spring Break band tour has turned into a massive mega-multi-media event. The music portion of the festival features more than 2,000 (count 'em) bands; the film portion outdraws most other festivals combined, and the Interactive (Internet) portion is now THE place to showcase the best new websites, digital projects, wireless applications, video games and startup ideas the Internet has to offer.
For example, this year's Interactive Panel features a ton of bloggers who are making buckets of money and are now on the lecture circuit telling others how to become successful. I hear my name being called! There's a whole section of food bloggers who have turned online entries into book deals, and they are spilling the beans, so to speak. Austinite Julie Powell's blog-turned-book became the movie "Julie and Julia." Reese Witherspoon is being talked up to portray Pioneer Woman Ree Drummond. Oh, I am so looking forward to this! I see George Clooney in my role, don't you? Of course, I'll have a cameo as the lovable Santa figure.
All I need is to get out in front of the next big Blog wave, whatever that is. Let me think....
Food has been done to death. Technorati estimates that there are more than 30,000 active food blogs out there. Plus there's the unfortunate fact that I can't cook. Look no further than my experience with Fuzzy Date Loaf.
Mommy Blogs are HUGE, but even though I am in touch with my feminine side, I just don't think I could pull that off. At the very least, the beard would have to go and that's not going to happen.
Artsy-Craftsy covers a plethora of possibilities - cute little handbags and totes, decorating with darling found items, marvelous window treatments, furniture from Popsicle sticks, oh, I think...I think I'm... Excuse me a moment. There, I feel better now.
Christian Blogs are also big, but that calls for a lot of heavy thinking (with the possible exception of Jon Acuff) and you open yourself up for a lot of criticism. Like what I just laid on Jon. No, I don't think so.
Political Commentary. Arianna Huffington recently sold her Huffington Post for $315 million dollars. I can relate to that kind of money, and I can bad mouth Democrats, Republicans and Tea Party-ers alike. However, I would probably have to write about Sarah Palin and post the picture of her in the bikini holding the assault rifle and some things are just not worth the money.
Humor is a distinct possibility, but I notice no one has offered me a book deal on the Adventures of Bob the Dog series and that's all I have to say about that.
Right now I'm leaning heavily toward Urban Myths, Rumors and Scams. No, not debunking them - promoting them. Something along the lines of "A close relative left me $35 million dollars, but I need your help getting it moved out of Texas before Rick Perry and the 82nd Legislature finds it."
So help me out folks. What do you see as the next big Blog-thing? Help me come up with the right theme and I'll see that you get very wealthy.
Right after me.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
The Internet makes us stupid!
Your friends have sent them to you - urgent e-mails that say "Congress is preparing legislation that will outlaw puppies and small furry animals! Act now!" Or, "if you open 3 e-mails in a row and the middle one says 'Hey Big Boy' your computer will vanish in a puff of smoke and you will never get a good nights sleep again."
Or sometimes they are not dire, but are simply factoids, like the one that showed up the other day pointing out that July 2011 will have 5 weekends - 5 Fridays, 5 Saturdays, and 5 Sundays - and this will not happen again for another 823 years! Really? Here's July 2011:
And here's March 2013:
And I could show you a bunch more - all of which are less than 823 years apart. Keeping up with the watch band calendars provided some insight into calendar math; a comet may come by only every 823 years, but there are only 14 possible calenders and they repeat in intervals ranging from 6 to 11 years.
What is it about the Internet that makes us stupid? I saw this referred to as "argument from authority;” basically that means if people trust the source of some tidbit of information, they believe it. And apparently a huge number of people think that if they see something posted on a blog somewhere,or receive it in an e-mail from a friend and it doesn’t contradict their world view, it must be true.
Work with me here, The Internet has been around a while and by now we ought to be a little bit smarter about the stuff that comes screaming into our mailboxes, or we see on blogs. BTW, the best way to tell if something is phony or a hoax, is if it comes with instructions asking the reader to forward the item. When in doubt, Snope it out.
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go change my Facebook profile to my favorite food. If I do that, the FDA will donate $1 to homeless shelters. I know that's so, because 6 of my friends have posted that in their status.
Or sometimes they are not dire, but are simply factoids, like the one that showed up the other day pointing out that July 2011 will have 5 weekends - 5 Fridays, 5 Saturdays, and 5 Sundays - and this will not happen again for another 823 years! Really? Here's July 2011:
And I could show you a bunch more - all of which are less than 823 years apart. Keeping up with the watch band calendars provided some insight into calendar math; a comet may come by only every 823 years, but there are only 14 possible calenders and they repeat in intervals ranging from 6 to 11 years.
What is it about the Internet that makes us stupid? I saw this referred to as "argument from authority;” basically that means if people trust the source of some tidbit of information, they believe it. And apparently a huge number of people think that if they see something posted on a blog somewhere,or receive it in an e-mail from a friend and it doesn’t contradict their world view, it must be true.
Work with me here, The Internet has been around a while and by now we ought to be a little bit smarter about the stuff that comes screaming into our mailboxes, or we see on blogs. BTW, the best way to tell if something is phony or a hoax, is if it comes with instructions asking the reader to forward the item. When in doubt, Snope it out.
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go change my Facebook profile to my favorite food. If I do that, the FDA will donate $1 to homeless shelters. I know that's so, because 6 of my friends have posted that in their status.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Monday Meanderings 3.7.2011
So how long should you hold a grudge? I got a Face Book friend request this week from an old high school classmate. The one who wrote in my yearbook ""Dear Bob, I have enjoyed seeing you choke everybody this year about making people do whatever you want them to do. If you do this any in future years, you may get caught up with. Seriously, I hope you get better. "May God guide you." Your friend always." Awkward.
March Madness on the way. I see that all the games will be televised live again this year. How many TVs would you have to have to watch every game? Oh, wait. There's an app for that. So how many iPhones do I need? Longhorn men, who were 1 win away from being #1 seem to be sinking into mediocrity and the women are on the bubble and might not get in the tournament at all. Interesting.
And I leave you with another example where clear communication is important.
March Madness on the way. I see that all the games will be televised live again this year. How many TVs would you have to have to watch every game? Oh, wait. There's an app for that. So how many iPhones do I need? Longhorn men, who were 1 win away from being #1 seem to be sinking into mediocrity and the women are on the bubble and might not get in the tournament at all. Interesting.
And I leave you with another example where clear communication is important.
Friday, March 4, 2011
I am so stealing these...
Just when you despair that nothing you have encountered this week is blog-worthy, your son forwards you the winners from the "Washington Post's Mensa Invitational."* Thank you!
Readers were invited to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
Here are the winners:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an ....
3. Intaxicaton : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone : The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido : All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect : The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
And the winners are:
1. Coffee, n The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade, v... To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle, n.. A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
*There actually is no "Mensa Invitational," but The Washington Post does have a wonderfully clever humor contest called The Style Invitational. And a Style Invitational contest from 1998 is the source of many -- but not all -- of the neologisms in the list above. To see the real thing every week go to washingtonpost.com/styleinvitational
Readers were invited to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
Here are the winners:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an ....
3. Intaxicaton : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone : The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido : All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect : The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
And the winners are:
1. Coffee, n The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade, v... To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle, n.. A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Stories for my grandchildren - Kites
I'm sitting on the balcony of our condo in Port A. (ours for the weekend, you understand) and I can see a dozen kites flying over the beach. Colorful, streamer-bedecked kites of a dozen different designs. There's a huge kite in the shape of a para-sail. There are wind-sock looking kites, kites that spin in the breeze, kites that look like prehistoric birds, a kite with a streamer tail many, many times longer than the kite itself. There's a kite that looks like Swimmy and a little bitty kite that looks like Nemo. Interestingly, none of the kites look like the kites I used to make and fly. You know, kite-shaped.
My father loved kites. He told of kites that he made as a boy, out of common materials, kites that in the Spring he would stake out on the plains near Cleburne where he grew up, and they would stay up for days and weeks in the breezes that never quit, even at night. He spoke of a mail-order kite that resembled an airplane, but the wings rotated to keep it aloft. We made kites together and flew them together. By that time you could buy 10-cent kites at Woolworth's; flimsy tissue paper wrapped around fragile sticks. If you didn't snap the cross-stick trying to fit the paper over it, and you scrounged some strips of cloth from an old bed sheet to make the tail, you were good to go.
But the best ones were the kites we made. From somewhere I scrounged a length of bamboo, and if patient, I could cut wonderful stringers out of it. I tried lots of papers - even old newspapers. The Sunday Comics added color. Box kites were a challenge to make - there was ever-so-much more that could go wrong in the making and flying, but they flew ever-so-much better than the traditional deltoid shapes.
I remember organizing a kite contest at school in the 6th grade. There were "prizes" for highest flying, best decorated, and some other categories that I can't recall at the moment. The contest was held after school up at the South Ward Elementary playground, and as I recall, it was a great success. I know I enjoyed it.
I flew kites with my children as well. There was an empty field behind our first rental house in Austin, and we would go out there and fly kites. We would send "messages" up the string to the kite. We also went to the Zilker Kite Fest, where the air would fill with color and flutter. It was there I first saw kites so large they had to be attached to the back of trucks, flown with electric reels loaded with high-tensile fishing line.
There is a kite shop here in Port A., as you might imagine. There are more windsocks than kites on display. You can hang a windsock on a pole and forget it, but you have to go fly a kite. And you should take another kid with you.
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