Motel Hell

Originally I was only going to write about the Breakfast from Hell, but since then I have learned that the motel has double-billed me, so the scope of the story has expanded!

We decided to break up our trip to Lubbock by coming only part-way during the return and stop in Abilene. This would allow us a break in the 14 hours of car-time and give us the opportunity to visit Southern Hills on Sunday morning, where Phil Ware, our previous preacher at Westover is now.

We thought that a good idea, then and now, but the first hint of trouble came when we could find no rooms available in Abilene for Saturday night. None. Nada. Evidently the Rodeo was in town, and ACU was holding graduation ceremonies (and perhaps others), so there was no room at the Inn - Holiday or Days. Finally I tried our old standby in downtown Abilene across from the convention center - the place we always stayed when we came to attend Abilene Mission Church. They had a room and I booked it over the Internet.

Has anyone mentioned to me that while there are prosperous-looking areas of Abilene, downtown and the area immediately to the north are not sharing in that prosperity? No, I thought not. Even though the marquee said "Newly Renovated" our old standby - now dubbed the Civic Plaza Hotel - looked somewhat past the point of genteel shabbiness. Nevertheless, it was the only game in town and the room itself was relatively clean and the TV worked, even if none of the electrical outlets did and the card reader on the door was hinky (the 4th or 5th try is the charm).

A couple of days after booking the room I got an email from the reservation service saying that the room was already paid for (and already charged to the credit card) so do not pay again at the motel. I pointed this email out to the guy checking us in, and he said that was correct, I was only signing for confirmation. I knew at the time where this was probably going. But first, breakfast.

When we booked the room the reservation system said clearly that this was a European plan room - meaning no meals included. In the old days there was always free breakfast in the attached restaurant, but no longer. However, when we checked in they guy gave us a voucher for free breakfast choices; bacon and eggs, biscuits and gravy, pancakes, etc. Cool. Fool.

The restaurant had also been recently remodeled. It was now painted in shades of Pepto-Bismol. That should have been a clue. The hostess/cashier resembled...well, I'm not sure. Lets just say she was large. Very large, wearing sweat pants and a tee-shirt and house shoes (though in all fairness she did say she had broken her foot). And I don't think I've ever seen jail-house tattoos quite that large.

The waitress, obviously the daughter, wore a tee-shirt, shorts, and flip flops, She was not as large as Mama but give her a few years. We ordered - eggs, bacon and coffee for me, biscuits, gravy and a diet drink for Barb. That was the first problem. "Y'all," Bertha Sue, the daughter explained, "the meal thing only lets us serve coffee. If y'all want a soft drink you have to pay fer that in advance ."

Okay. we'll pay in advance.

"Well, we don't have no diet drinks. All we got is an ol' Dr Pepper."

Then why explain to us about paying in advance? Okay, we'll get a diet drink out of the vending machine. Is that all right? Bertha Sue and Big Mama decide it is, but the smallest bill I have is a five, so Barb asks Big Mama for change, but she can only come up with a couple of bills and a lot of coins. Whatever.

Of course, the vending machine is not vending - what would you expect? - and while Barb is off discovering that fact, Bertha Sue serves the food. Folks, you really have to work at it to mess up scrambled eggs and bacon, but Tank, the cook and possibly husband of Big Mama and Bertha Sue has outdone himself. The bacon is charred, the eggs are swimming in grease and the toast is...well, toast. The coffee is instant, and Barbs biscuit (singular) is floating in what looks like condensed milk. I refused to taste it - I'm not sure she did either.

We had some time, so we escaped to South First and looked for a breakfast alternative and found only a do-nut shop - not the best choice, but it got us through church.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to call American Express and contest a charge.