The car from... Gothenburg!

Another episode from our California adventure -

It is my understanding that Volvo makes good cars. Dependable, safe cars. So when the car rental agent told me that she was going to upgrade us to an "elite Volvo" I thought that would be a good thing. What she did not tell us was that it would be a Volvo S60, a snazzy-looking little car about the size of a roller skate. So the first part of our journey, with 5 passengers and all our luggage, was, to say the least, painful. Especially for Jana, who shared her space with some of the luggage.

Setting aside the lack of room, there were other issues with the car; most notably the "control center," that video screen in the dash that - depending on your point of view - either kept one informed about current conditions, or taunted you with information you could do nothing about. For example, for many miles, the screen displayed the cryptic statement, "There is one car message." Okay, the car is texting me. How do I see this message? Push this? No. This? Uh-oh. This? Okay, I don't really need to know what the car message is. Or do I? Let's see, there are only 36 buttons and knobs on the control console. Surely one of them fetches the message. Many miles later, I found that a dial on the left-hand steering column thingy shows the message text, which was, and I quote, "Rear left, center and right seat belts are in use."

OK. How about the radio? According to a decal on the window the car was equipped with satellite radio. Alright, let's cruise down the Pacific Coast Highway listening to the Beach Boys on Classic Rock! Barb and I spent 30 minutes (while stopped) fiddling with buttons that suggested that they would actually produce radio choices. Finally the console indicated that we had indeed selected XM Classic Rock - and that if we called an 800 number they could set up a paid subscription in place of the one that had expired. Okay, I'll just flip over to an FM station. Or not.

There were other problems, to be sure. Among them finding the button that opened the gas filler lid, the switch that turned on the headlights (actually I never found that, but the lights seemed to be on when I needed them). There were certainly buttons enough to try, including 4 on the sun visor! Never did figure those out. But the most aggravating behavior of the car was to rotate the rear-view mirrors downward whenever you put the car in reverse. Want to see behind you? Sorry, the mirrors are pointed to the ground. Am I going to back into something? With the restricted view out the windows, the only way to find out is to open the moon roof (assuming you can figure out which button to push to do that) and stick your head out and look behind you!

I'm told this is a "feature" of high-dollar cars; the mirrors rotate so that you can see the curb when you are parallel parking. I ask you - when was the last time you had to parallel park? When was the last time you backed up and needed to see behind you? I rest my case, your Honor.

So the message is clear. I'm just not an "elite Volvo" sort of person. Next time, I think I'll ask for an old pick-up truck. I'll bet I can get the radio to work on an old F-150.