I was reading one of these health magazines for seniors and an article warned that I should be conscious of medical symptoms such as shortness of breath, increased pulse rate, dizziness, aching muscles and rubbery legs, That describes to a "T" how I feel when I exercise on the treadmill. Thank goodness I now have medical advice to stop that!
Saw a news item that a California couple, Jeff Reitz and Tonya Mickesh visited Disneyland every single day in 2012 for a total of 366 visits. On their 366th visit, Disney Resorts Chairman Tom Staggs recognized the couple by making them honorary citizens of Disneyland and gifting them with a stay at the Disneyland Dream Suite. Excuse me? 366 visits and all they get is a night in a motel? In other news, a woman from Seattle has announced for the year 2013 she is only going to eat and drink products available at Starbucks. Really? Starbucks, for its part, is “honored” by the whole thing. That did get me thinking, though - if I ate at Chuy's every day for a year, would Chuy's management reward me in some fashion? Perhaps a free night in the Coronary Care Unit? Something to think about.
Another item item in the local news mentioned that "heavy hors d'oeuvres" would be served at a certain function. Now even though I'm from Texas, I do know what horse's doovers are. I'm not sure about the "heavy" kind. Is that like a baked potato? A can of Spam? A brick of chili? Inquiring Minds...
The Dallas Cowboys have hired a coach who is older than I am. My first thought was I hope the old guy doesn't have a heart attack during some incredibly tense moment. Then I remembered, it IS the Cowboys; he should be safe.
HOW TO INSTALL A SOUTHERN HOME SECURITY SYSTEM
1. Go to Goodwill and buy a pair of size 14-16 men's work boots.
2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo Magazine.
3. Put four giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads ......
Bubba,
Me and Marcel, Donnie Ray and Jimmy Earl went for more ammo and beer. Be back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls. They got the mailman this morning and messed him up bad. I don't think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside.
Be right back.
Cooter
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