Speaking Southern

I mentioned that we have been trying to help a young lady at Chuy's to "speak Southern" and rid herself of terms and pronunciations common to upstate New York, her former home. You know, little things like saying "pah chan'" instead of "pee' can. And "y'all" instead of  "youse."

I came across a number of Southern terms, along with some information about how these terms might have originated. As a Southerner, most of the definitions seem unneeded, but I think I'll see if I can work some of the phrases into the conversation the next time we are at Chuy's.

“We’re living in tall cotton.” Tall cotton bushes are easier to pick by hand and yield higher returns. If you’re living in tall or high cotton, it means that you are feeling particularly successful or wealthy. However, we noticed on our last trip to the high plains that all the cotton plants were low to the ground - thus easier to pick by machine.

"Madder than a wet hen." Hens sometimes enter a phase of “broodiness” — they'll stop at nothing to incubate their eggs and get agitated when farmers try to collect them. Farmers used to dunk hens in cold water to “break” their broodiness. Huh. I've never actually seen a wet hen, but I have no doubt that such a hen would be mad.

“He could eat corn through a picket fence.” This describes someone with an unfortunate set of buck teeth. They tend to stick up and outward, like a horse’s teeth.

“You can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear.” A pig’s ear may look soft, pink, and shiny, but you’re not fooling anyone by calling it your new Marc Jacobs bag. Can you actually make a purse with a pig's ear?

“You look rode hard and put up wet.”  The phrase refers to a key step in horse grooming —  A good rider knows to walk the horse around so it can dry off before going back to the stable. A horse will look sick and tired if you forget this step, much like a person who misses sleep or drinks too much.

“He’s as drunk as Cooter Brown.” Cooter Brown is an infamous character in Southern lore. Legend tells that he lived on the Mason-Dixon line — the border between the North and South — during the Civil War. To avoid the draft on either side, Cooter decided to stay drunk throughout the entire war, making him ineligible for battle. Inebriated Southerners have measured their drunkenness by him ever since. Wikipedia confirms that this is a tale told mostly by Southerners.

“She's got more _____ than Carter's got Liver Pills.” Carters Products started as a pill-peddling company in the latter part of the 19th century. Specifically, Carters repped its “Little Liver Pills” so hard a Southern saying spawned from the omnipresent advertisements. Alas, the Federal Trade Commission forced the drug-group to drop the “liver” portion of the ad, claiming it was deceptive. Carter's “Little Liver Pills” became Carter's “Little Pills” in 1951. Nobody noticed. Senator Robert Byrd, after winning re-election in 2000, is quoted as saying, "West Virginia has always had four friends, God Almighty, Sears Roebuck, Carter's Liver Pills and Robert C. Byrd."

“I'm finer than frog hair split four ways.” Southerners mostly use this phrase to answer, “How are you?” Even those below the Mason-Dixon know frogs don't have hair, and the irony means to highlight just how dandy you feel. The phrase reportedly originated in C. Davis’ “Diary of 1865.”

“He thinks the sun comes up just to hear him crow.” On farms (not just in the South) roosters usually crow when the sun rises. Their vociferous habit wakes up the house, signaling time to work. An extremely cocky rooster might think the sun rises simply because he crows. Similarly, an extremely cocky man might think the same when he speaks — and also that everyone should listen to him.

“That thing is all catawampus.” Catawampus adj: askew, awry, cater-cornered. Lexicographers don't really know how it evolved, though. They speculate it's a colloquial perversion of “cater-corner.” Variations include: catawampous, cattywampus, catty wonkus. The South isn't really big on details.

“He's got enough money to burn a wet mule.” In 1929, then-Governor of Louisiana Huey Long, nicknamed “The Kingfish,” tried to enact a five-cent tax on each barrel of refined oil to fund welfare programs. Naturally, Standard Oil threw a hissy fit (oh, there's another good phrase) and tried to impeach him on some fairly erroneous charges (including attending a drunken party with a stripper).

But Long, a good ole' boy, fought back. He reportedly said the company had offered legislators as much as $25,000 for their votes to kick him out of office — what he called “enough money to burn a wet mule.”
We may not know exactly how much money that is, but at least we know where it comes from.

"Bless Your Heart" Almost everyone knows Southern women drop this phrase constantly. But it might not mean what you think it means. In reality, the phrase has little to do with religion and more to do with a passive-aggressive way to call you not-so-bright.

Any phrase you want to add to the list? This girl needs a lot of help.