Random thoughts at the gym

A certain person that I know spent his first few weeks of kindergarten only drawing at the art easel, peeking out now and then to see what the other boys and girls were doing before finally joining in. That's me at the gym. I'm comfortable at the treadmill next to the wall, and from that vantage point I'm trying to figure out this gym world that's all new to me.

What to wear, for instance. Now this is Austin and the dress code in this town is what you are wearing, but I have noticed a distinct division in apparel; there is the shorts and tee shirt crowd - preferably a tee that says "Darfur Death Rally 2011" or something similar, and there is the fashion statement "wouldn't-be-caught-dead-in-last-year's-warmups" crowd. Interestingly, as many men as women fit in this group.

Then there's the how-hard-you-work-out category. I have decided that you can easily determine how dedicated the gym-goer is by presence - or absence - of a towel. Got a towel? There's some effort involved. No towel? Just there to watch the babe one bench over.

From my vantage on the second story, overlooking all the strength machines and benches, I notice a number of folks practicing what I call the "one rep, five looks" exercise. They choose a free weight from the racks along the wall, strike a pose, go through one rep, then check the mirror - from several angles - to see how much change has taken place. Wait five minutes and repeat.

Or the quarter-mile-and-move-on. Someone gets on a treadmill or stair machine, cranks it up to about 5mph, goes a quarter-mile and then hops off to go get a smoothy. A few dedicated souls, however - like me - take the long, steady approach. I'm not quitting until... Oh, never mind. There's always tomorrow.

These treadmills all have a calorie counter. As the workout progresses, it adds up the effort and shows how many calories you have burned. I generally ignore it. It's too discouraging to spend 40 minutes of effort and know you have knocked off the equivalent of one Girl Scout cookie.

And why are all the treadmills, stair devices and other heavy cardio machines always on the 2nd floor? You know, where the floor shakes? Think about that - every gym you drive by you can see the rows of treadmills on the upper floor. What's up with that? You would think the "cardio" machines would be on the 1st floor for easy access by the EMTs.


There are TVs all over the place. Most are tuned to the Silver's Channel - a mix of motivational messages and music videos featuring bands like Death Cab for Bingo, or some such. The others are tuned to E! or Mega Gossip, or Ellen. It doesn't matter, though. I found that I can't walk a straight line - essential on a treadmill - and watch a TV hanging over my head. 

I did see a joke on one of the TV programs that I'm waiting to tell my grandkids. "Why did the sea monster eat all 5 of the boats full of potatoes? Cause he couldn't eat just one potato ship." I thought so, too