Trying to get off the grid

When one retires (or should I say if one retires), certain aspects of your life should slow down. For example, it may not be as important to be plugged in, tuned in and turned on - phone wise, at least. The ability to get in touch with one's spouse with your handy-dandy Blue-Ray equipped, full screen, I'm Touched, GPS equipped, multi-function cell phone does not become as big a deal when all you have to do is shout, "Honey! Would you get me another cup of coffee." Not that I would ever do that, mind you - but you get the point.

Nor is it necessary to read my e-mail off a tiny screen. Chances are, I'm sitting in front of my computer all day, anyway! And who needs a calendar when your schedule is:

• Get Up.
• Eat Breakfast.
• Short Nap.
• Eat Lunch.
• Longer Nap.
• Go to Chuy's for supper.
• Watch ballgames till sleepy.
• Repeat.

And you've already seen how facile I am with texting.

I should point out that I began lugging a cell phone around back when the affordable models were bag phones. Yes, it was that big and you had to plug it into a car to use it. So I'm not a Luddite when it comes to cell phones, it's just that I just don't have as much need for one now. That was pointed out when I divided the minutes we actually used into the dollars we were actually paying and discovered that this convenience was costing nearly 90 cents a minute talked.

Okay, thanks to my grandson, I have been exposed to the Pay-as-you-go concept. I'm way past needing to stay on any plan - so just switch me to a flat .25 cents a minute; I'll be way ahead. Here's $25 bucks for each phone - that will last us months.

Or until the minutes expire, which comes a short 3 months later. No problemo (I learned that in Spanish class). I'll just add $5 when they are about to expire and roll the minutes every 30 days. I've got time on my hands to do this.

Three months later, and I'm looking for the $5 option? What do you mean there's a $15 minimum and it expires in 30 days? I was planning on paying $10 bucks a month for the 2 phones - not $30. Oh, the best deal is $100 a pop and that gets me a years worth of minutes?

Somehow getting off the grid is harder than I thought it would be. Call me. I need to burn some minutes to make me think this is a good deal after all.