Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Sign Serve Out

"Signs, signs, everywhere there's signs
Blockin' up the scenery, breakin' my mind
Do this, don't do that, can't you read the sign?"
- The Five Man Electrical Band

I've gathered up all the signs cluttering up the scenery and present them to you on this last-day-of-the-month serve out.

Let's start out with a bang!

I guess they are easier to catch when they are dry.

Maybe this relates to the Sudden Gunfire sign.

Three makes a nice size family.


And after you are through fishing, you all can go for a drink.

Bilingual sign

Well, that's true.

I think something got lost in the translation

Funny, it doesn't look lika a humped zebra.

Stating the obvious?

For those who are inexperienced.

Aww. I was just getting ready to play Nocturno Opus 7!

I get it! After you run over them they lie flat.

If you are confused, step to your left.

Oh. Now I see why you are confused.

So you grow the stuff. Who knew?

Just who do I see for a trespassing permit?

This is one of those "Do Not Feed" signs, right?

There's always hope.

Makes sense.

Who is at risk here?

Mixed message.

But you said it was safe.

Harsh.

Is this like the wheel chair and the alligator?

Well, there goes the picnic.

Literally, "Street of the Bad Boys." Is the "Good Boys" street one over?

My cooler just sits there.

Excuse me while I cross over.

Yeah, right.

Is this sign needed?

Does this mean we are not welcome?

And you should try the tacos at Mamma Mia's, down the street.

Ouch!

Honor system.

Okay. you are on your own here.

This is about alligators, right?

Darn!

But I wanted to go Thissa Way.

Don't even think about 13 MPH!

Monday, October 29, 2012

Monday Meanderings - 10.29.2012

The pecan tree fooled us. After dropping a bunch of puny, immature pecans during the late summer, it went ahead and produced a nice crop of fully-formed pecans. This was especially evident when the cold front blew through this weekend and bombarded the roof with pecan-hail. Feel free to stop by and gather up what you want, but be aware of falling pecans.

Friday we saw a cowboy in Walmart. We knew he was a real cowboy because of his jangling spurs. Really. I checked, but I didn't see the horse he rode in on. By the way, I visit the People of Walmart website from time-to-time, just to see if our picture is on there.

Speaking of dressing up, I guess that I'm going to go with my old stand-by for Halloween; Aging Hippy. Barb is thinking that She Who Must Be Obeyed is still good for her.

Saw a guy panhandling on a corner the other day with a sign that read "Just stay in school." Judging from his appearance, that looked like good advice.

We are familiar with many gestures that followers of various schools and universities use to signify their team; Longhorns have the "hook-em" of the extended first and forth fingers, Aggies use the thumbs-up "gig-em," Tech is all about "guns up," Baylor "claws" for the Bears, but what does TCU do as Horned Frogs? Finally decided that they must spit in your eye.

My plan to utilize the new high-speed tollway to make a quick trip to Lockhart for BBQ has a new wrinkle - you may get to bring your own pork. It seems that the wide-open space surrounding the new toll road is attractive to wild pigs; there have been at least three auto-hog collisions in the short time the road has been open. The idea of meeting a 500 pound hog at 85 mph has some officials rethinking the deal.

Last night on the way home we passed three houses with Christmas decorations or lights up! And it is still three days till Halloween. I'm hoping that they were left over from last Christmas. You can make a legitimate case for that.

And speaking of home decorations:

Friday, October 26, 2012

I am taking the day off. Here's a joke to fill the void.

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."

The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet. "How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck." The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.

The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!" The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $150."

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Big Tex - We hardly knew you.

I'm sure by now you have seen the news photos and videos of Big Tex, gigantic icon of the State Fair of Texas, going up in smoke. Some have suggested that he was still steaming over the Texas/OU game, but I think it must have been the candles from his 60th birthday cake that did him in.

The word is that he went down talking. Perhaps, "Howdy, folks. My hat is on fire!" And apparently the proper memorial to lay at his feet is corneydogs.

Did you know that Big Tex was originally a Santa Claus? City fathers in Kerens, Texas created a drill pipe casing framework, made a paper mâché head and dressed the big dummy in oil cloth. Putting it kindly, it was an ugly Santa.

You sort of understand why the citizens of Kerens got tired of Santa real quick and sold the components to R. L. Thornton, the Fair President for $750. Of course, 'ol Tex wasn't much prettier. Here's a close-up:


Tex and I got to the Fair about the same time, 1952, and over the years, we've both changed. Tex had a nose job early on, and the lascivious wink had to go. He got the ability to talk in 1953, and a couple of years later he got a new fiberglass head that served him right up till the end. In the late '90s, his steel framework was rebuilt (is that like a hip transplant?) and his arm and head were made to swivel. In 2002, the Fair celebrated his 50th Anniversary, complete with a giant AARP card. This year, they had a 60th anniversary party. You had to look close, but he also got some wrinkles and a few grey hairs.

Did you know that Big Tex once welcomed Abilene Christian alumni back to the campus? In 1956, celebrating the 50th Aniversary of the school, Big Tex made the journey to Abilene and stood tall on the campus. Notice the student sitting on his boot. And the original 70 gallon hat.


State Fair officials say Tex will be back, bigger and better than ever. I just hope they make him a little better looking. Maybe like the Marlboro man. Oh, wait. I guess smoking is out, after what happened last week.

Monday, October 22, 2012

Monday Meanderings - 10.22.2012

I was reading an article in Sports Illustrated (I get Barb's hand-me-down copies) and the writer referenced "directional colleges." I had never heard this term before and commented so to Barb, and she figured out that it referred to schools and universities with compass directions in their names, like East Carolina, South Florida, Central Florida, and a team we watched Tuesday night, North Texas.

But the implication in the SI article was that such schools are lesser lights, so what about WEST Virginia? And NORTH Carolina, and SOUTH Carolina? Further research seems to indicate that the "directional" label only applies when the state itself does not have a direction in its name. Therefore West Virginia is NOT directional, South Florida IS. That seems to work okay until you consider that SOUTHERN California cannot be considered a lesser school by any standard. I guess there are exceptions to every rule.

By the way, we saw a TV interview of some Texas Tech players that had been in a heated argument about whether West Virginia was a state. This was prior to playing them; afterwards, they probably felt that they could draw any conclusion they wanted.

When we replaced the carpet in our house a couple of years ago, we contracted for three annual cleanings. When we requested the service on the first anniversary, it took multiple phone calls, a trip to Home Depot, offering burnt sacrifices and an act of congress to get it scheduled. So I was prepared this year; I started a month early, thinking it would take at least that long to finally get someone to agree to put us on the schedule. So Tuesday morning I called the warranty service (Home Depot), they took my information and Tuesday afternoon the cleaners called and Wednesday they came. And I was all prepared for a really big fight to get this done! Now if we could just get the furniture positioned back where it was.

Thursday was a gorgeous day, and I was on my own for lunch, so I decided to walk up to a little Mexican food restaurant up the street.  Up is the operative word in that sentence; unlike the treadmill, the route to this restaurant involves an upward gradient virtually all the way. I thought the trip back would be much easier, but I guess fewer Tacos al pastor might have helped that.

And I leave you with a picture that should need no explanation.


Yes. It IS a fork in the road.



Friday, October 19, 2012

Update on "Need a Place to Stay in Austin?"


One month to go before F1 Race Week and the nearest available Hotel/Motel rooms are in San Antonio! On the TV news this week a representative from Marble Falls, 60 miles down the road, said all the rooms there were booked.

But in spite of the demand, I think my plan to rent out the house during Race Week may not work out the way I hoped. You may recall that I had seen a number of properties come on the market for a one-week rental at outstandingly nice rates. We are talking 5 and 6 digit numbers here! Of course, these were outstandingly nice properties, so I was prepared to back off on the price just a touch; say, high 4 digits.

Well, my best offer to date is from a third cousin twice removed who said if the refrigerator was really well stocked, he might go as high as $20 bucks. He said three bedrooms and a couch was good for him, his wife and the seven kids; the mother-in-law and all the nieces and nephews might have to bunk in the camper in the driveway. I also found out that the twice-removed part has to do with prior evictions. Not looking good.

To make matters worse, I found out that our greedy City Fathers set the fee for the Short-Term Rental Permit at $476 bucks! And they wonder why only 19 permits have been issued when they expected 1,500! According to the paper, about half of the $476 registration cost is a $241 standard fee by the city’s planning department to notify neighbors of nearby projects. I figure I can walk next door and tell the jerk neighbor who parks his boat in front of my house for a whole lot less, but that still leaves $235 that I would have to shell out.

This is harder than it looked.



Wednesday, October 17, 2012

What's hot and what's not

From time to time I pull up the official Google Stats on my blog just to see what interests people. I've mentioned this before and you may recall that for a very long time, the most popular blog - at least from the standpoint of the number of people who clicked on it - was about the dude who runs up and down the grassy median beside an HEB store.

Over time, however, interest in the Running Man has declined; in fact it has now fallen to 3rd place in the all-time list. Currently, the overwhelming clicked-on champion is the blog about the album of old 78 records that I found amongst my aging LPs. In the almost two-year period since that blog, more than 818 people have searched for "old records" or "78 RPM records" on Google and clicked on the search results.

Interestingly, if I perform those same searches, I find that the vast majority of the results are asking about, or promoting old records for sale, and asking about the value of old 78's. In fact, I never found my blog entry, but I did find that Google cataloged the image of the 78rpm record that I used to illustrate the blog (and that I stole borrowed from some other Internet source). If you click on the image, it takes you to the The Mystery Album blog entry.

One other interesting aspect about this favorite - almost all of the searches originated in Europe, notably Russia, the UK, Germany, and the Netherlands, in that order. Maybe the used 78rpm record market is hot over there.

The Sleep Study  is now the second-favorite blog, with some 395 page views. I tried several searches with that topic myself, but never could connect with my blog entry. I did find, however, a Huffington Post entry that told of a man who DIED DURING A SLEEP STUDY! See! There's a good reason why I'm never going to do that again!

Now in third place, the Keeping Austin Weird - The Running Man blog has 268 page views. He still runs up an down, or shadow-boxes on the nearby Sonic corner, but I gues that's sooo last year!

An interesting forth place contender is Traveling in Comfort the story about the the canvas water bag my family carried on vacations, and the swamp-cooler air-conditioner that was attached to our car for a trip to California. More than 171 people have found that story after serching for keywords. For example, yesterday a user on the Softbank Corporate site in Kanagawa Japan visited this blog after it was returned for his search for "swamp cooler." I guess since there is a rumor that Softbank has purchased Sprint, maybe things are heating up there.

By the way, I used "swamp cooler" as a search argument and gave up after looking through 65 pages of returned sites. I guess the guy in Japan has way more time to waste than I do (and I have quite a lot!)

Monday, October 15, 2012

Monday Meanderings - 10.15.2012

Longhorns. Mountaineers. Cowboys. Texans. Sigh.

Saw a news report that said 25% of all women in the US were on medications for mental illness. That's very alarming. That means that 75% are untreated! And if you are reading this, it also means that my wife has not read this blog yet.

The other evening we were dining in a nice restaurant and a young woman near us was talking on her cell phone the entire time. She was on the phone when she ordered, she was on the phone while she ate her meal, and as we left, she was ordering dessert while still engaged in her phone conversation. She didn't disturb us - she spoke quietly throughout the call - but what must that have sounded like on the other end of the conversation?

A caller identified only as Donna phoned radio station Y94 in Fargo, ND. Donna has some problems. Over the last few years, she's been involved in several deer-related car accidents, and with her frustration reaching a tipping point, she decided to call to voice her complaint on deer-crossing signs. Namely, "Why are people placing the signs in high-traffic areas? Shouldn't we be encouraging deer to cross the road in low-traffic areas rather than on highways?" The radio hosts calmly tried to explain the actual purpose of the signs, but Donna was having none of it. "The government can guide deer to lower traffic areas," she says. We're sure they're working on it, Donna. Thanks for your call.

I daily scour the Internet to learn of the latest devices and Apps to help me navigate the complications of life, and this week I want to share with you the best of the best. You will say, as did I, "How have I lived without this?"

Have you ever lost a sock? Even worse, ever put on socks that seemed to match at first and later you realized that they aren’t actually a pair? Fortunately, there's an app for that. The Blacksocks brand has recently come out with a set of products called “Smarter Socks,” intending to solve all our sock woes with an app, a sorter, and socks with built-in chips, called Plus+ (not to be confused with Google’s social network). Once you’ve purchased this kit, the chips will track various things about your socks: how many times you’ve washed them, which foot they belong on and an ID number which will help the sorter determine its proper match. Every time you do laundry, simply scan your socks with the Sorter, and it will tell you which socks should go together. The cost for this life-saving convenience?


The starter kit,  consisting of 10 pairs of socks with Plus+ and the Sock Sorter -  retails for $189. I know you are just as excited as I am about this. No need to thank me - it's the least I can do for my loyal readers.

Friday, October 12, 2012

Best of Lufkin Daily News Police blotter for September

More from our favorite police department - by way of Texas Monthly

September 24  
A man reported finding a driver’s license in his yard while mowing.

September 23
Criminal trespass and obscene display or distribution was reported by a woman. She said someone had been knocking on her window during the night Saturday and that she later discovered pornography in her mailbox.

September 21
An intoxicated man was seen walking around with a large knife in his pants.

September 21
Bushes were damaged Thursday.

September 16
An adult reportedly threw a block of cheese at a child Saturday.

September 15
A man was arrested on a charge of public intoxication after he was found trying to bathe himself with water on the road.

September 12  
Food items were destroyed inside a restaurant broken into overnight Tuesday.

September 9  
A complainant reported being tapped on the forehead during a verbal altercation Saturday.

September 6
A man reported finding a fist-shaped dent in his truck roof.

September 2
A mailman told Lufkin Police that he was threatened by a homeowner who threw a toy at him Saturday.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

The Chuy's Culinary Tour

 
Since I have become a major stockholder and part owner of Chuy's restaurants (you didn't think I could pass up that opportunity, did you?), I am wondering if the time has come to visit each and every one of my locations. You know what they say: "If you have seen one Chuy's, you have seen one Chuy's."
 
So I have done some digging and it looks like I'm going to have to get busy. At this point in time, early October, 2012, there are 38 Chuy's Restaurants in 8 states:
Texas has 24 locations - Austin (5), Houston area (7) Dallas-Ft Worth (6) San Antonio (2), College Station, Lubbock, Waco and Tyler one each.Tennessee has 5, Kentucky/Indiana has 4 (soon to have 5), Oklahoma has 2, and Alabama, Georgia, and Florida each have one each.
 
Obviously, the place to start is right here at home, and I'm ashamed to admit that there are 2 local Chuy's that I have not been to - the one out on IH-35 toward Round Rock and the one on William Cannon, way south. Before, it just didn't make sense to pass a Chuy's only 2 miles from the house to visit one 18 miles away, but now I think it's important that I check on my investment, don't you? Shoot, they are probably expecting me, don't you think?
 
I've been working on the route, and it's harder than it looks. I may have to get AAA to work out one of those route maps - it's a lot of driving to cover all 38 cities. Maybe I need to get an RV and then the little woman and I can hit the road and start chowing down on Creamy Jalapeno dip and Chuychangas (with queso) nationwide. We could just stay out there until the job is done. Come to think of it, if they we keep opening up new locations fast enough, we might be on the road a long, long time. "Day 12. Probably ought to call the kids."
 
By the way, the market has been kind of up and down lately, so my 2 shares have earned enough for... well, uh... okay, you get free queso during happy hour. I'm in! Who's coming with us?
 

Monday, October 8, 2012

Monday Meanderings - 10.8.2012

 
Sorry to bring it up, but this display has been up for a while now. Saw it last week but had to wait until I got a less-fuzzy picture.
 
Last week this blog passed 20,000 page views. That sort of astounds me that my 3 followers can click on that many pages. Thanks for your perseverance.
 
Bumper sticker: "Back off. I'm not that kind of car."
 
I will agree that it is convenient to have certain recurring charges billed directly to a credit card. No fuss, no muss, get the airline miles and write one check. However, when the card expires, you spend an afternoon getting everything updated. First you have to get the card activated, then you have to figure out who all bills directly, then you have to figure out how to access accounts that you have not logged on to in years (what do you mean that's an invalid password?). AMEX cut it very close this time around; we were getting some concerned emails from a long list of folks.
 
Rangers, Longhorns, Cowboys. Sigh.
 
A lady in Walmart said that she liked my beard. I said "Thanks. I like yours, too!" Some women just don't handle compliments well.
 
When the Bible class topic is announced as "Sexuality, Lust and Pornography," you might not want the teacher to begin with, "Let's start with an ice breaker."
 

Friday, October 5, 2012

Kiamichi Mountains - stories for my grandchildren


In the southeastern corner of Oklahoma, there is a rustic, rural area known as the Kiamichi Mountains. The term mountain is generous; the highest peaks fail to reach the 1,000 foot mark that geologists use to designate a "real" mountain, so it really is a wilderness area, part federal lands and part logging industry acreage.

Near Honobia, Oklahoma, some forty acres is carved out of this wilderness by the Kiamichi Mission, and is home to numerous camps and retreats affiliated with the Christian Church. For many years, a Men's Retreat has been held in May, and hundreds of men have gathered annually, arriving in RVs and campers and pickups, setting up camp for several days of preaching, singing and fellowship. And when I say men's retreat, I mean exactly that; no women allowed. Except I guess they aren't that fond of cabrito in Oklahoma, so a group of ladies came every day to cook but left promptly after the dishes were done.

I ended up at the Kiamichi Men's Retreat because I worked for Sweet Publishing during the '70s and select vendors were allowed to exhibit their offerings in a tent set aside for that purpose. Christian churches were in Sweet's marketing demographic, so most years Ralph Sweet and one or two others made the pilgrimage to the wilds of Oklahoma to sell books (our table was right next to the John Birch Society table). One year, Ralph filled up the company RV with as many male employees as could fit, and that's how I ended up at "Christ's Forty Acres."

As I recall, there was preaching and singing in the morning and afternoon, but the main event was the evening service. There was a huge covered area, a glorified pole barn, where the services were conducted, filled with rough wooden pews and a stage at one end with a honkin' PA system, a pulpit and a piano. I didn't know any of the speakers (not my tribe), but these guys knew how to work a crowd. I can still quote a couple of things I heard, more than 40 years later.

"Don't worry about the roof! Let those who are left behind [after the Rapture] fix the roof!"

and,

"I want you to be so filled with the Spirit that if a mosquito bites you, it will go away singing, 'There's power in the blood.'"
And then there was the collection. Kiamichi Mission was founded to help support a number of small churches scattered throughout that area of Oklahoma and Arkansas; all mission-level congregations in poor rural areas, and a large part of the annual budget was gathered on the last night of the retreat.

A number of speakers shared in the exhortation, but the appeal was consistent: "I need ten men to stand right now and give $2,000 each. All right, I have five men! There's eight. Hallelujah, ten men are standing! Now I need twenty men to stand and give $1,000 each!" Next, forty men were asked for $500 each, eighty men... you get the picture. By the time it was over, everybody was standing, with the exception of a few of us sinners who slipped out before it got to our price level.

By the way, one of the guys in charge told us that there were some interesting logistics in getting the proceeds of the collection to the bank (it was largely a cash collection, a significant sum, and we were out in the boonies) He said four county sheriff's cars would trail four civilian vehicles out of the compound; four cars would turn North and four turn South, and at the first opportunity each pair would split off yet again, taking different routes to town. Who had the cash? According to our friend, it might be one, none, or split between all of them. They did it differently every year.

And one more memory. It was at the Kiamichi Men's Retreat that I heard, but did not see, a plane crash. A short distance from the camp area was a small, unpaved airstrip that some of the early standers used to come and go. We were lounging at the RV one afternoon when we heard a small plane rev its engine for take off. The volume and the RPMs increased, then we heard a couple of sharp cracks and sudden silence! The plane failed to clear the pine trees at the end of the runway. After a lot of excitement, we learned that there were no serious injuries, and later we saw the now-wingless plane being hauled off on a flat bed truck.